Wednesday, December 31, 2003

#129...The Dark Sucker Theory continued..

....There are also portable Dark Suckers.  In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit.  When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.

  Dark has mass.  When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat.  Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker.  Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass.  This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle.  Also, dark is heavier than light.  If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light.  If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker.  When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness.  This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top.  The is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light.  If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet.   But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.   Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker.  

thank you, cuzauntie..for passing on the enlightenment. ;)      

  


 

#128...another Cuzauntie Snookie contribution...

 

The Dark Sucker Theory

For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise.  Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark.  Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers.  The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.
                                                            
First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory  is that electric bulbs suck dark.  For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in.  There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere.  The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark.  Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.                
                                                     
So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever.  Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck.  This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker.  A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker.  A new candle has a white wick.  You can see that  after the first use, the wick turns black,  representing all the dark that has been sucked into it.  If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black.  This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle.  One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range.

  (continued)

#127...the one true religion...the official invitation.

theonetruereligion , of which, i am a sheeplike follower.

and damn proud of it, thank you.

I hear the Fortress will be festooned with festivities this year...alack and alas, i cannot attend..my rsvp was as follows:

"Regrettably, i regret to inform you too, that i too, will be unable to personally imbibe in the welcoming festivities planned for the new year at the Impossible Fortress of Doom, at least for this new year, due to circumstances beyond my control, for one, being, that the Fortress of Doom, is built in a state much further away than mine, and to walk or drive there would be...well, just plain nuts. 

but I did appreciate the invitation. 

Also let it be known to all, that i will be one with you in heart and soul, and will proclaim my allegiance to the cause of the One True Religion, at the first strike of the first second of the hearalding of the new year, the new year being anno domini MMIV, otherwise known to some rappers (huh?) of y2k+4... 

But know to all, that you are all an impregnable force and my guiding light, and i kneel to the holy powers that be, as well as those which sustain the Fortress and all of her sheeplike followers.  I will also pledge to sacrifice my pseudovirginity in the name of the cause ....wait...er...well..uh...perhaps i hath just said too much... 

so in closing....happy new year to all.  i wish i could be with you. 

ps: the sheepdip, should it arrive in time, needs to be refrigerated. 

~ floralilia

sheeplike follower and keeper of the holiday sheepdip recipe."

 

#126..Nancy Drew's delicate art of etiquette..

"It's good to toast space exploration and fancy gadgets, but it's more important to raise a glass to the beauty of soft candlelight."

~The Sign of the Twisted Candles

sigh...cheers to you too, Ned and Nancy....and a happy new year...

#125...happy new year!

2004.

wow, another year to see what unexpected delights will come your way.

how perfect is that?

cheers!

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

#124...do you...

like what i did with the place?

in honor of winter, i repainted the journal in cool wintry tones..

brrrr...

makes ya want a mug of hot chocolate, huh.

#123..on "optimizing" my aol experience - aol 9.0

So I just upgraded to aol 9.0.  Okay, okay..i know i'm a little behind..but trust me, when you've been on aol for as long as i have, you get a bit leery when new versions come out.   For the record, I am still partial to version 2.8, before all the fluff n' stuff days...(and that was an upgrade!)  Sigh, I guess I could be considered an official charter member or an aol masochist, with the latter being the most accurate of the two.

For those of you who may not be aware -  in the "olden" days, we would have to pay for aolabuse by the minute...read again, the MINUTE.  Some of the bills could get outrageous, especially if you didn't realize aol, connected you via a long distance phone numbers.  (No, I am NOT kidding.)  There were quite a few of us "newbee's" getting connected via Australia and the like, without even realizing it.  Get burned once, and all of a sudden you became really good about learning all of the angles. 

Back then, Aol used to actually shut down in the wee hours of the morning to back up their files..or go out for coffee or something.  Some of us, and I'm not naming names here, used to skirt the minute charges and go into the tech support area, and wait around to "talk" to techs about problems or questions we were having...but really we were there to freely chat to other online friends in the free-zone. That was the area that aol, didn't log your minutes - essentially, you could then chat for free until you got noticed and then booted out.

anyway, back to my initial point for posting..so far, 9.0 is acting pretty good..."so far", of course, being the key words here.  I hope it lasts.

#122...Kitty and the christmas kittycrack.

so for christmas, santa brought the crazed kitties new toys...bells, and balls, and mices and fuzzy, feathery things.."Kitty's" favorite of course, was the kittycrack, aka, catnip.

He was one trippin dude, dude.  Miss Lucy-fer, on the other hand, was not interested.

She being the Christmas squirrelkat, was busy runny around on her own form of speed - youth.  She actually played with all the other items.

I wonder if Kitty needs a twelve step program.

#121... Nancy Drew's guide to life...

"If a bleeding, screaming man runs from shore and starts swimming frantically toward your boat, you should probably help him out.  He might be escaping from cruel employers."

~Mystery of the Crocodile Island

 

..and there are plenty more where that came from.  no, really.

#120...kids say the darndest things...

"Andrew: Blip. Blip. Blip. Blip.

Becky: I don't even see the point of having sound on this."


okay, so who here remembers the prototype versions of todays playstations, nintendos, etc.

remember the games like pong, and donkey kong, and space invaders? well check this out,  childsplay , to see what modern day kids had to say when they test drove some of the original games...pretty damn funny.....

"
Tim: My line is so beating the heck out of your stupid line. Fear my pink line. You have no chance. I am the undisputed lord of virtual tennis. [Misses ball] Whoops.

John: Tim, how could you miss that? It was going like 1 m.p.h. "


Monday, December 29, 2003

#119...the official journal name change

Freely Floralilia, the Official Journal of Pointless Posting is now in effect for annon domini MMIV.  That's 2004, for those of you who forgot their Roman numerals.  (and you would be surprised at just how many that is.)

why? you might ask..well, simply, because I felt like it.

It flows better. And it looks better scribbled on bathroom stalls and fine linen stationary.

Saturday, December 27, 2003

#118...wow.

color me unsurprised.

this thing is still not working properly.

stupid aol.

#116...okay houston, all clear..

according to john scalzi, and the aolexterminators..the journal bugs have been all cleared.

well, this is a test.

testing, one, two..

#117....

three.

 

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

#115...merry christmas!

Merry Christmas to you and yours and all possible best wishes for an exceptional 2004...

flora

#114..twas the night, finish..

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL,
AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT."

#113....twas the night before christmas continued..


 



More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.

"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

 

continued...

#112...twas the night before christmas..

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

(A Visit From St. Nicholas)

by Clement Clarke Moore


'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that ST. NICHOLAS soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

continued....

Friday, December 19, 2003

#111..this is my united states of whatever!

check out this video.  done by my idol, liam lynch, of the famous sockpuppets sifl & olly.

this is my united states of...

whatever!

http://www.s-curverecords.com/liamlynch/media.html

#110..how the aolgrinch stole the christmas journals.

okay, so I thought I was crazy or the kids were messing up the computer.  been having the damndest time updating, reading comments and even adding new entries.

 so i go on a hunt and search mission to see what could be the matter - thank god for john scalzi - the aol journaling guru - you know, the guy who started this whole mess..and i use that term endearingly....by encouraging the rest of us to start journaling..

and what do my wandering eyes discover?  but a miniature aolgrinch  messing with the aolwhovillecommunity. so i flew over to my journal and threw up a post  - which goes something like this... 

"they're working on it."

#109...virginia continued.

You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond.

Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

--Francis Church

#108..ah, virginia.

"Dear Editor--I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in The Sun, it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O'Hanlon
115 West Ninety-fifth Street

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no child-like faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world. (continued)

Thursday, December 18, 2003

#107...news flash.

saddam hussain has been captured.  apparently, he couldn't slither out of his hole in the ground in time.

tsk. tsk.

must have been too sleepy digesting his meal of mars bars and macaroni and cheese.

what a pathetic loser of a man-snake.

 

(and yes, i already know this is semi-old news. I've been busy dammit.)

#106...on mystery xmas cards, and one sister's losing her mind.

So apparently, my sister Joanne, in her christmas haste or race....to be the first one to get her christmas card out to me before our other sisters do this year ...(except for Robin, who addressed her's safely from the confines of her house during the missed sister weekend's snowstorm a few weeks ago...(she's the old one remember..))

'cause you see, while the envelope was neatly addressed, (as only a school teacher can do), and the stamp was precisely positioned in the upper right hand corner, and upon reading the return address, I noticed that this christmas card was going to be, in fact, from joanne and her family...

So naturally,  I opened the card..a very nice card..the very same card, in fact, that  I almost bought to mail from our house this year... which, while endearing, is not surprising, because we sister's tend to do that alot, doncha know.

Except for one small difference...which is that,  I usually sign the inside of my christmas cards before I seal the envelope.

But Joanne, for whatever reason, decided not to this year. The reason is unclear to me..either

a.) she is seriously over the safe limits of multi-tasking right now. 
b.) she needs her estrogen levels checked. 
c.) she is in the early stages of altzheimers, or
d.) she fell asleep at the wheel, er, pen...

Maybe it's a combination of all...maybe she is just caught in a holiday induced, hormonally challenged, over-achieving, type A narcoleptic multitasker, with too many things to do. And THAT my friend, is a set up for losing one's mind. 

Hmmm....I dunno, I could be wrong here.  Maybe...just maybe..she is being environmentally friendly and wants me to recycle the card back to her for next year..

I mean, after all...I did know who the card was from, right?


#105..kitty crimes.

apparently i was wrong.

kitty is the one responsible for breaking all of the christmas tree ornaments this year.

lucy has been given special dispensation.

how do i know this, you might ask?

well, because, i got a card today.

it was from kitty. he fessed up to the whole thing.

just to taunt me, mind you. he was not in the least bit remorseful about it.

damn cat.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

#104....Holiday movie suggestion.

a Floralilian official holiday movie review.

Elf, starring that guy on Saturday night live...i forget his name.

but anyway..two words to describe the overall feeling...

no wait, one word...with a big capitol letter R...

Ridiculous.

Ridiculous and pretty damn funny - laugh out loud (for real), funny. And in the end, I hope that you, too, have an audience that is singing christmas carols right out loud with the characters at the end of the movie. 

pretty refreshingly silly, in this day and age, i must say...

makes me want to see all my men in green tights this christmas. just for the hell of it.

 

#103...say what?

"I know that you
believe you
understand what
you think I said,
But I am not sure
you realize that
what you heard is
not what I meant."


~Richard Nixon

 

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

#102...did you know..

that Evil Internet Lucy can be teased for hours - trying to catch the curser on the screen.....tsk, tsk...so terribly frustrating for her...

heh. heh. heh...

Monday, December 8, 2003

#101...hmmm.

Three wise women

would have...

asked for directions

arrived on time

helped deliver the baby

cleaned the stable

made a casserole

brought practical gifts

and

there would be peace on earth.....

 

~anon.

Sunday, December 7, 2003

#100...on kitten-squirrels and christmas decorations

Kitten lucy has decided to become a flying squirrel. 

taking off with one great leap from treetop to couch to floor after getting yelled at

for the umpteenth time......to stay the hell out of the christmas tree!

....sigh...i feel like i have a toddler in the house again, all the ornaments have been removed from the bottom one third of the christmas tree. But does that stop her? Ohh no....she just sets her goals higher...and higher...

Apparently, sparkly hangy things are like magnets to kitten-squirrels - to kitten-squirrels with grappling hooks for paws, that is.

i hate kittens with grappling hook paws - especially at christmas time.

#99..violet elizabeth's tears.

Violet Elizabeth dried her tears.

She saw that they were useless and she did not believe in wasting her effects.  "All right," she said calmly, "I'll thcream then, I'll thcream an' thcream till I'm thick!"

~richard crompton (1890-1969)

from Just William

..hardly a mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, babysitter, friend, neighbor, shoe salesman, coach, teacher, pediatrican, pediatric nurse, or busdriver...who can't relate to meeting at least one Violet Elizabeth in their lifetime....

no really. think on it....

#98. Geeky quote for the day.

"It is possible that we may become pets of the computers, leading pampered existances like lapdogs, but I hope that we will always retain the ability to pull the plug if we feel like it."

                                        ~arthur c. clarke

sha...but not until after my internet christmas shopping is done arthur...sheeze..

Friday, December 5, 2003

#97....Living Eulogy

     she danced.
she sang, she took.
     she gave.
              she served.
she loved.           
          she created.
she dissented. she  
             enlivened.
she   saw.  she grew.  she
                          sweated.
        she changed.
she learned.  she laughed.
          she shed
           her skin.
she bled on the pages of her days,
      she          walked
      through walls,

she lived with intention.

 

~maryanne radmacher
     Living Eulogy    

#96. Be avid.

           be avid.
                 create apart
from perfection.  risk failure.
cover your words with sweat.
            run a little.
         excruciatingly touch.
laugh until you cry.
            dance
       with your eyes
                   closed.
        understand
      you die a little
        everyday....

       be enlivened.


~maryanne radmacher
          Be Avid.

#95...winter wizard and geritol continued.

Yep, looks like a few inches of slushy snow was a bit too much for some older sisters to handle...                                                                                                    
I'm not naming names, mind you....

but i do know now, what i am getting my (very much older) sisters, Pat and Robin, for christmas..a huge bottle of geritol, a nice new lap blanket (heated) and a batch of soft, easy to chew pudding.

..........sigh, I wonder when they got so old.

guess that age thing really does sneak up on you, especially when you are used to playing things "safe" your whole life.... 

Hmm, kinda like constipation, eh? - maybe i should add some ex-lax and a subscription to Modern Maturity too........


fine. be old.


whatever.

I'm living reckless tonight.  I'm driving in the snow....AND going food shopping -WITHOUT THE COUPONS!

#94....winter wizard and geritol.

Okay, so the almost all sister get-away weekend got cancelled at the last minute.

Hey, what a great idea!  Just all the girls getting away to spend some quality time together.  A get-away that we have never done in all of the years since we got married.   That's some twenty or almost thirty years, isn't it, girls?

You can picture it, eh?  Make a big ol pot of coffee, grab the scrabble board, or some cards, eating homemade chicken soup, or chocolate cake, laughing till our sides hurt, and more when Pat pees her pants... sleeping in late, taking pictures of each other, going for a freezing walk on the beach together...

drinking wine, eating pretzels and cream cheese, catching the David Bowie concert,  a movie, or doing a bit of gambling, sitting in our Pj's and slippers around lighted candles, talking into the wee hours of the morning..

..ya know, make new memories.... those kind of things...

in other words....living large.....middle age style...no kids, no husbands, no work, no worries - just for a weekend.

a weekend.

that's just two days.

'Cause, after all, we earned it. Dagnabbit, we even deserve it.


'Cause, it would do us good to be sisters again...not wives, or aunts, or mothers...just sisters, right?


BUT...David Bowie got the flu and had to cancel the concert last minute.


BUT ....the eastern seaboard got two or three inches of snow...well, almost. And a forecast for more on the way..(apparently two inches too much for even Suz's fricking Hum-vee) ....and i don't want to mention that we would be driving away from the snow, toward the ocean-warmed jersey shore - where they hardly ever get snow ...and was only forcasted for rain....BUT, BUT, BUT....BUT...

Anyway, they are the official reasons the weekend was called off.


BUT, (i have my own but here....), for some reason, all i can think of is that line from the movie Dumb and Dumber...

                                               PUSS-AAY!  PUSS-AY!!!!

#93...what the..

is this thing working or not!

Tuesday, December 2, 2003

#92..weather alert.

well, well, well..tis the first snowflurrie of the season.

feel like i'm in a giant snowglobe...

Thursday, November 20, 2003

#91...on christmas shopping.

okay, i have some good news and some bad news.

I went to start some christmas shopping the other day - and damn, this is way early for me - thats the good news.

the bad news is:  i can't really say if i got anything accomplished.  it turned into a one for them, two for me...zero for them, three for me....

i think i should start all over.

with a plan,

and a list.

and a shopping companion, to keep me on task.

too many sparkly things out there i tell ya.

#90...and just in time for the holidays, too! -

okay, so who here ever got caught having to pee, but no bathroom in sight, or worse, a long line to the women's room, but no one waiting at the men's room...

and you think, if only i could pee standing up.....

well ladies, check this out.

http://www.restrooms.org/standing.html

 

thank god for the internet, eh?

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

#89...avast ye maties!..

Go see Master and Commander - The Far Side of the World,  starring  Russell
Crowe.

stupid name, good movie.

it rocks. it rolls. it can make you seasick and homesick and heartsick.

but in a good kinda way.

shoot. some people have had all the fun - eating gruel, drinking grog, sleeping with goats and a bunch of smelly deckhands....

Monday, November 17, 2003

#88...if at first you don't succeed...

"Success is nothing more than going from failure to failure with undiminished enthusiasm."

                       ~winston churchhill

(Seen on a wall at NIH of Francis Collins - head of the human gnome project.)

Friday, November 14, 2003

#87... interesting.

"The budget should be balanced. Public debt should be reduced. The arrogance of officialdom should be tempered, and assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed, lest Rome become bankrupt."

~marcus tullius cicero

63 b.c.

#86..steven wright asks...

what's another word for thesaurus?

 

#85....on flea markets. and bright ideas.

Okay, so I have a dream.

And it's not pretty.

But it is lucrative, given the new craze for flea markets, shabby chic, junking..etc. (of which I too, am guilty - it's a sickness, I tell you...)

I think I want to be an entrepreneur - you know, that's French for opening a new business without knowing what you're doing.

Anyway, I think it should be kinda like a flea market - but under a roof.

I think too, I will name it  - The Junk Store

(Maybe even "Ye Olde Junke Shoppe" cause that would show class.)

No frills, just junk.  But only good junk -  you know, stuff other people put out at the curb.

And if you don't find anything in the storefront you like, then I could direct you to the back room called...

the trash room.

Cause that would be like second-hand junk, er, maybe technically third-hand junk...and if you don't find anything you want there - well of course, then you can always go through the recycle room ....and then out the back door to rummage around in the..  

dumpster.

and whatever survives the dumpster, then of course, I could sell on ebay.

I'm not saying there is a lot of trash on ebay or anything, but there is a lot of good junk on ebay,  - and you just never know -

After all, one man's trash is another man's treasure, right?

People would buy it.

I think my junke store would make a lot of people happy,

make me money,

drive up stock prices,

and preserve the environment.

Righto, step one completed. I now have a formulated business plan.

 

#84..geeky quote for the day.

"However, there is another way to approach  petaFLOP capability without having to use the bizarre properties of quantum theory.  And that is to exploit a device which already comes close to petaFLOP speeds:  our own brain."

~michio kaku

 

(on the troubles of manufacturing quantum computers - and cyborg realities)

Saturday, November 8, 2003

#83...sheeze..

okay, so its November 9th or something and I haven't posted in a week.  why? you might ask?

cause well, i've been busy, dammit.

I know, i know, you all are living vicariously through my journal.

Get your own lives dammit.

besides, have some respect, i am in mourning you know.

cause Cher, for those of you who haven't been listening, has said her last farewell..

it's almost as bad as Diana, except that she's not half as dead.

happy now?

Friday, October 31, 2003

#82. happy halloween.

boo.

#81...and Cher takes the final bow..

                   

Well, the crowd never thought to sit down again, so Bud and I were sentenced to watching the entire rest of the show from our $83.00 uncomfortable seats via the twin Cher big screen TV's.  Could only have had a better more comfortable seats..

at home, I tell ya. 

True to Hollywood, and Las Vegas, her plastic surgeon, her makeup artist, her dress and set designer, Cher.... looked.... "mahvelous."  She did not look her 55 odd some years.  She was still fit and trim, and even allowed us to see just the slightest hint of upper arm jiggle - and on big screen TV's, nonetheless.  Cher sang and did her signature Cher walk back and forth along the stage. She went through at least five or six big flamboyant feathery costume changes. All over the top, all completely Cher.

While we waited for her changes, we were shown montages on her big screen tv's of all the moments in Cher's lengthy and varied career. Surprisingly, the highlight of the highlights was when she paid tribute to Sony.  Boy, did he let her shine. He had a great smile.  He loved her.  She loved him.  We mourned him.  We missed him.  We understood the divorce, but we never wanted it...for them, or us...still.

                                              

 We took noticeof just how much she has accomplished, how much she has seen, how much she has done. (I just didn't know.) Such an amazing career - She has worked with almost everyone of importance in Hollywood. She sang, she danced, she acted, she married, she metamorphed. She made babies, she divorced, she set fashion trends, she met presidents, she traveled, she seduced the navy boys. She made us laugh, she made us cry, she made us jealous (it's not fair she should get all  the good genes.)  She gave us tabloids. She entertained. (She still does.) She woo'ed the multitudes. She gave us memories - hers, and our own.

She survived. 

And when she gave us her last bow,

she earned my applause..

as well as my respect. 

All hail the Diva Royale!

Damnit, she earned it.

(Great goat horn kudo's to you too, Cher.)

PS:  Watch out for Tommy, Tommy Drake that is.  Remember his name.  He's gonna be big I tell ya.

 

(ta da!)

#80..and finally the diva arrives.

 

so -Tommy-  exits stage left, unharmed from his final act of juggling an apple, a bowling ball, and a machete. Tommy also managed to take bites of the apple while juggling it all. (I wondered if he realized how he honored the fans with use of the bowling ball...after all, it is the national pastime in Reading, Pa.) The juggling act, by the way, was a bonus.

Oh, and his last name is..Drake.  Tommy Drake.  Watch out for him.  He's gonna be big someday.

TommyDrake  leaves, probably to go check his email...

And after another brief intermission, the lights dim again, and someone "pumped up the volume" on the Cher music.  The atmosphere is filled with electricity.  The crowd is pumped up too, thanks to Tommy...

Tommy Drake, that is. 

Remember his name.

He's gonna be big someday.

The light show begins and slowly, ever so dramatically, Cher enters center stage..from, well...

above...

via a chandelier...

wearing a big famous Cher costume, or maybe it was a big Mummers outfit.  I still can't be sure.  But it was big, and it was white, and it glittered, and it had feathers.  White ones. Big, white, Cher feathers.

                                   

I think she is singing. I can't be sure.  It sure sounds like her, but I can't see her lips moving. Mostly because I can't see Cher... 

Anymore.

She is immediately blotted out like the sun, eclipsed by the standing and cheering Cher fans on the floor and all around her.  They love her.

By God, they love her.

 

(continued, yep, even more...)

#79...Hey, Tommy's not too bad..

Okay..so the crowd settles down and - Tommy - takes center stage.

We listen politely, and politely chuckle at the first of his jokes..

But slowly, slowly, he begins to grow on us.

Hey, actually, this guy is pretty funny...

and clean. not one foul word in his whole routine.  He even complimented we Pennsylvanians on our beautiful state especially this time of year - that was completely cool of him.

Amazing.  I didn't think they grew them like that anymore..

Tommy, in the end, got a standing ovation.

Way to go, Tommy dude. You rock!

(Big goat horns to you!)

 

 

(continued...)

#78...Ladies and Gentlemen - let's have a big hand for..

...our opening act -  comedian Tommy ...(somebody). I dunno, I wasn't really listening after I heard the word - opening..

Oh great. Now we have to suffer through an opening act. I look at my timex watch. It's 8:30pm - the show was to start at 7:30pm.

I think to myself, "this is going to be a looooong night.  It's Tuesday night, fer chrissakes, don't these people know we have to work in the morning?!"

The Reading folks didn't seem to mind.  I suppose to Cher diehard fans this is just considered foreplay...

 

(continued...)

 

 

#77...the lights dim..

The crowd goes wild. Everyone with the floor seats stands up to cheer. The silver hands go up, and wave around wildly.  The zebra hat is sauntering back up a staircase. The video camera zooms in on the little girl in the headdress, and then onto the toothless older bleached blond sporting a Cher sailor cap with loving words written on it...

People start dancing. The camera woos the crowd. The fans cheer wildly in hopes to be shown on Cher's twin big screen TV's...Cher music is blaring...

Meanwhile back at our seats, Bud, having just made contact with Mark via cell phone, gets annoyed he can't hear over the crowd - but he does at least, spot Mark - waving wildly across the arena.  He points them out to me..I can't see where, but I wave wildly back too...Bud tells Mark, "Yes, I see them too."  (I don't)...

But that's okay, the show is about to begin!

 

(continued...)

 

#76...wait....

rather, what

is

that...

I zeroed in on the moving target...Yep, hold it right there sister..

Behold the women, who very much resembled (purposely or otherwise) a youngish Patty LaBelle across the sea of Cher fans.  One really couldn't, (nor shouldn't) miss her - I mean, I'm not sure if it was the zebra hat with red feathers (yay!) and matching coat - or the red woolen catsuit she wore underneath that caught my eye first.  But damn, she was curvy and grand! "Baby got back," I heard a brotha say... She walked ever so slow and slinky...as if to say -   "I'm da bomb..and ah  know it - all eyes on me now, chillin.."  

I sat mesmerized.

Could it be? 

Would I be so lucky? 

Was she really a she...or a he being a she...one will never know..

Of course, I hoped I would spot the most amazing... the biggest blue ribbon of all Cher fans...The Cher Impersonator.  But alas,  the lights suddenly began to dim..

 

(continued...)

#75...Viva Las Vegas..Reading style..

I immediately began scanning the crowd for eye candy...  Ooh look, a  little fan club over there..holding up huge silver handmade hands in the famous "Rock on!" symbol.

Now, I believe in some Christian circles, they think it's the sign of the devil, "Satan's Salute" you know, the sign of goat horns - thumb, index, and little finger up, middle and ring fingers folded down...See, just like this:

               

Presidents, surfers, skateborders, and rock stars do it...usually with their mouth open, screaming, and their tongues (with tongue piercing) sticking out.  I think too, it's a favorite sign of the "Girls Gone Wild" tape produced by good ol' Snoop Dog, but I can't be sure....how cute - look, they even sewed red hearts on the palm of the silver hands...

And look, there is a small girl childe, obviously being indoctrinated into the Cher cult  for the first time - dressed fully in a feathered red and black sequined headdress and feathered frock...and there, a guy with a black beret and goatee, pierced ears and biker boots, standing up, scanning the crowd.  Oh, and over there three gay men, sitting on the edge of their seats, bent over each other scanning their Cher program together..one pointed to a pic, and then placed his hand over his heart and sighed...

and the bald burly guy with tattoos and piercings, sat arm folded in his sleeveless denim shirt patiently waiting on the show.  I wondered if those tattoos down his neck hurt when he got them done.  I wondered if somewhere on his body was a tattoo or two of Cher....

and the two women over there dressed in black.

leather.

from head to toe.

and the couple with matching mullets...

and the elderly woman in a mint green floral moo-moo, (Hmmm. Did she mean to leave that last roller in the back of her head?)  I wasn't sure.

Fans here and there were throwing back beers, of course, the cultured biker women drank only from plastic beer cups...Whoops! One fell down the steps there...Cher fans all around gave her a standing ovation...then jumped up to help her.  (She probably just caught the heel of her leather boot on a gap in the stairs...)

I continued scanning the crowd for more eye candy...Oops. Hold it...back up...

what.

was.

that...

 

(continued...)

#74...Reading comes to Las Vegas continued..or something like that..

..Okay, so we actually had an usher walk us down to our seats, he even extended his hand gracefully, palm side up in the direction of our seats. I swear he did this with a little bow and politely told us that he hoped we "Enjoy the show."  ("Oh, I already am!" I kept to myself..)

We squeezed two seats down from a man, who also was wearing the appropriate Cher attire - black Cher tee - with jeans..(and Members Only jacket), and his date...or...girlfriend...or mother...I couldn't tell.  She was a pillowly woman, neatly dressed, sitting snugly in the seat right next to ours.  She nodded politely as we squeezed past and continued to chew on her Reading soft pretzel. 

Bud and I took our $83.00 ticketed priced seats, first row, floor level.  To the right of us, was a line of various aged biker women, obviously enjoying a girl's night out, in their matching black Cher T-shirt attire.  Suddenly I was feeling a bit self conscious being the only couple in our row not wearing the required Reading Cher Farewell Tour h'aute coiture du jour...

 

(continued...)

Thursday, October 30, 2003

#73...Las vegas comes to Reading..continued even more.

We radioed Brother Mark and gave him our coordinates.  His limo had just dropped them off at the front door, they were just entering the gates. 

Brother Mark had all the tickets on him, which meant that he would have to meet us at our gate so that we could get in. Which, of course, he did.  I was happy to see Lori and him, and eager to sit together so we all could do a little people watching before the show began. 

But no, Mark told us that the seats were not together - our two were on one side mid-center, front row - while his and Lori's were clear across the stadium, on the side too, but a section closer to the stage - front row. We had only minutes to get to our seats before the show began. 

We gave quick kisses hello and good-bye, and said maybe we would be able to meet up with them at intermission.  They went their way and we went ours.  We vowed to stay in touch via cell phone. 

So much for the couple's night out...at least out together.. 

 

 

(continued...)

#72..Las Vegas comes to Reading continued

...We searched for signs for the Sovereign Center.  We searched for signs for parking for the Sovereign Center.   We noticed crowds of people walking from metered parking spaces along the city streets.  We knew then that we were on the right track - the tip off:  a big burly guy with gray hair and beard covered in tattoos carried a homemade Cher sign that read "You rock Cher! We love u!" (with a little red heart, where the word love should be..)  It was a nice touch, and went well with his black Cher tee-shirt worn under his fringed black leather riding jacket.

We pulled the car in a parking garage on the next block. It cost $7.00.  The hooded gentleman collecting the money, said to my husband "Nice car, dude."  "Thanks." he responded back.  We parked past the maroon van, that had "Cher's #1 Diva!"  "We love you Cher!" written all over it in white greasepaint. They were obviously Cher graffiti professionals.  We walked across the street to the back entrance to the Cher Center.  While crossing the street, I noticed three shiny brand-new looking white and chrome touring buses parked at the curb.  I thought, "Wow, people actually booked a bus trip to get here"

"No wait..maybe those are Cher's buses!"  I stopped. I craned my neck.  No use, the shades were drawn.  The little plate on the side of the bus said "Professional Touring Services, New York, NY"   I was suddenly starstruck. "That must be Cher's touring bus..." I whispered to my husband.  (I didn't want to start a Cher fan stampede.) 

Suddenly, I felt myself actually catching Cher fever.

The lines to get in moved fast. Incredibly, the people were well-behaved. They chatted and smiled to one another.  They made room for newcomers.  They were even courteous -  A refreshing change from other concert, nay Philly, experiences.  

The crowd was a mixture of forty and fifty somethings.  And as expected, I got my first taste of the night's attire.  Leather, Glitter, Flannel, Sequins, Jeans, Suits and even a floral Moo-Moo. I was a trifle disappointed though - I couldn't find anyone with feathers.

Almost everyone wore glasses. Almost everyone had tattoos.  Almost everyone had wrinkles.  Some covered them up better than others. The gay men, were, of course, impeccably dressed -  smiling, and fidgeting in excitement and anticipation - chomping at the bit to get inside - wanting to be the very first to get the $35. Cher program.   

(continued...)

#71...Las Vegas comes to Reading, Pa. continued.

...so Mark and Lori, decide to go to the show via Limo, (he has disposable income - we do not), and we drive from the opposite direction to meet up at the show via our car.  We kept in contact via cell phone.  As they were sipping martini's - we were sipping Sams Choice water daintly from a plastic bottle...(again, the juxtapostion of the night's unfolding events was not lost on me.)

A couple of miles outside of Reading, we were slowed up by a traffic jam, a car had struck a telephone poll and knocked out electricity for miles around the scenic hills of Pennsylvania.  I worried if Cher's dressing room lights had flickered...

Finally we made it into town.  For those of you who have not been to Reading - let me draw you a picture. Reading is really a lovely little town nestled in a valley between tree covered mountainsides. When viewed from the famous Reading Pagota, which is situated at the top of their tallest mountain - it looks exactly like a little christmas village one might find under a christmas tree with a miniature train running around -

...Little church steeples, little mossy tree lined streets - little cars - with little pedestrians, little blinking street lights, little smoking factories, little warehouses and little fire houses, and of course, the little train tracks with the little train, tooting its little horn, running off in the distance...

                  

It's a place right off a Currier and Ives postcard.  It's a scene from under Cuzauntie Snookie's (Wish I were back in Pennsylvania for Christmas, because cactus Christmas trees still look funny) Christmas tree...

Reading is really a nice, blue collared, hard working, weekend warrior, hog riding, Cher loving, back hills, Pennsylvania kinda town.  It's a nice place to visit. Billy Joel even wrote a song about it - no wait - that was Allentown...

Some people grow up their whole lives there. Some people move out as fast as they can there. The town's motto goes something like -   "Live and let live...can I have another Bud lite please?"

(continued...)

#70...Las vegas comes to Reading, Pa. continues..

So the big night arrives, and I fret about what to wear. (Some things you never grow out of.)

I mean really, what does one wear to a farewell tour ....of Cher...in Reading. After all, it is a special occasion...I mean, come on!..it's Cher for Chrissakes!...and it is her farewell tour!...but..

it is in Reading. 

Somehow, I just can't wrap my mind around it - I just can't put the two together..it's like wearing plaid and florals together..or flannel and feathers with leather and sequins - actually, it's a lot like wearing flannel and leather and sequins...some things just have to be done with finesse..and curiously, the people of Reading already know how to do this.

Pictures of the locals flood my mind - Christ!  I don't even have one tattoo...or matching nascar baseball cap...

I don't own leather pants..or boa's..or sequins..or plaid flannel shirts..(okay, I have flannel sheets but that doesn't do me any good...) I worried that I would surely be shown up, by the biker chicks and the gay men and the nascar fans in the audience.  I'm already in a complete tizzy when it dawns on me - Oh God! I'll even have to wear my glasses if I want to see anything!..I'll look so...old...so...mature...soooo totally uncool!

But of course, I will want to see everything.....this being Reading and all - and Cher is in town..

Finally, I decide to go the incognito, the inconspicuous route. I settle on jeans, a white shirt, a kakhi jacket, and comfortable brown suede sandals and of course, my glasses. I didn't want to miss the show, (and I'm not talking about Cher, here) ...it's a look that, I think, says - yuppie..

Okay, I'm lying.  It's a look that says, I'm comfortable.

I'm fortysomething.

Dammit. I've earned the right to wear elastic waistbands.

It also says:  Listen, I'm just a fly on the wall here... Entertain me.

- you too, Cher...

(continued...)

 

#69...Las Vegas comes to Reading, Pa. The Cher Farewell Tour.

Okay, so, I was going along, minding my own business when my husband comes home and says - "A, don't make plans for tuesday nite - we're going to go see Cher in concert.  It's her farewell tour.." 

I'm thinking, I seriously hope he didn't spend money on those tickets...I mean, I like Cher and all, but I really had no burning desire to go see her...and I wondered to myself, which farewell tour was this going to be for her...I didn't know she still had time for tours, what with being busy doing infomercials and all..

"Brother Mark has two extra tickets for us," he went on to say... 

For those of you who don't know, Brother Mark, is Bud's brother who is always very generous and kind-hearted and loves to go out and do things.. In short, he and his lovely wife Lori, were going to go too - the plan was that we would meet up with them at the show.

Great! I said. Thinking it would be fun to spend a night out with them - we rarely get to do things as couples anymore.

"Where in Philly is she playing?" I inquired. 

"Oh, not philly, the show is in Reading," my husband answered back..

in Reading.

that's in Pennsylvania.

if you're like me, you remember Reading from playing Monopoly.  Thats where they have the Reading Railroad..somewhere between Virginia Avenue and Marvin Gardens I think.

Oh, and they have shopping outlets.  and a pagoda. (ask robin)

"Oh." I replied. "They really have concerts in Reading?" still trying to comprehend the logistics.

"Sure, at the Sovereign Center." came his reply.

Cher...

is coming to Reading.

I mean, Cher - picked Reading as a stop on her farewell tour? This should be interesting, I thought to myself....  (continued)

 

  

 

#68.....today I lived dangerously.

i deleted not one, but two good luck chain emails.

i will bravely and defiantly face the evil that lays before me.

yep, dangerous is my middle name anymore...

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

#67...a creed for living.

believe that within you lies an extraordinary radiance, and commit to letting your light loose in the world.

believe that the source of your power and wisdom is in the center of your being, and commit to acting from that place of strength.

believe that you possess an abundance of passion and creative potential and commit to the expression of those gifts.

believe that the time has come to let go of old notions and unhealthy attitudes, and commit to re-examing what you have been told about beauty and dismiss what insults your soul.

believe that the negative thoughts and words compromise your well-being, and commit to thinking and speaking positively about yourself and others.

believe that young persons are in need of positive role models, and commit to being and example of authenticity and self-love.

believe in the relationship between well-being and the well-being of the planet, and commit to a life of mindfulness that regards all living things as holy and worthy of your love.

believe it is your spiritual responsibility to care for your body with respect, kindness and compassion, commit to balancing your life in such a way that your physical being is fully expressed and nurtured.

believe that joy is an essential part of wellness, and commit to removing obstacles to joy and creating a life that is full of exuberance.

believe that a person who loves ones self is a powerful, passionate, attractive force, and commit from this day forward to loving yourself deeply and extravagantly.

Saturday, October 25, 2003

#66...it's official.

i am now a catdog person.

it happened, when i wasn't even looking.

weird.

#65...meet lucy.

meet lucy.

our newest calico furniture shredder.

she came with extra cat toes,

at no extra charge.

she's cute.

she purrs.

she uses the litter box.

she is another purebred catdog.

she was free...

then cost me 153 bucks at the vet.

she was born on a front porch

to an unwed, promiscuous, mother.

she has two other sisters

and a brother.

they are cute too,

but we didn't take them.

because, well, that would be just plain nuts.

kitty likes lucy.

sometimes.

we like lucy too,

almost all of the time 

we will like her even more,

without her kitty cat claws...heh heh heh.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

#64...damn, is it windy today..

i think the house shifted off the foundation just now.  somewhere in my head, i am hearing..."i'll get you my pretty!! ah haha hahahaaaa...

really, i think i am in kansas right now, with dorothy's twister bearing down on me. 

You know things are bad, when the deck furniture is rearranging itself..and the cat won't go outside but shrivels back when you open the door.

it is fun though, to watch the birds hang on the feeder for dear life like that - swinging side to side like some weird bird roller coaster ride..

strange.. i never saw birds squint their eyes like that either, come to think of it...

Monday, October 13, 2003

#63...observation: monday 10-13-03

Okay, can October get any more beautiful than this? Sometimes it is just too much, eh?

makes you want to do silly things, like..like

exercise and

clean windows...

and make a big pot of soup.

well, i have my plan for the day - what's yours?

#62...It's breast cancer awareness month.

CHECK YOUR BREASTS.

(or have someone else do it for you......heh heh heh)

#61...simply.

Simply.

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.  I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you been opened by life's betrayals or have become schriveled and closed from fear of further pain.  I want to know if you can sit with the pain, mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.  I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if  you can dance with wildness and let the ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.  I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.  I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.  I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full  moon.

It doesn't interest me to know where you live, or how much money you have.  I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.  I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with you have have studied.  I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.  I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

~anon.

late entry:  thanks to hammock therapy, Froeboat - who put a name to this for me..

this passage is from the Oriah Mountain Dreamer - "The Invitation"

Thursday, October 9, 2003

#59...cuzsnookie reminders continued:

Cuzsnookie tips continued:  Remember, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on in North Dakota. (oh, those dakotians - always so proper..)

An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take anything other than backwards steps while dancing.  (this of course, is the good ol boys club in action again - it's to benefit the men who can't dance backwards or in any other direction..)

In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.  (um..define sexual relations please....)

In Atlanta, Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. (cause if is wasn't already illegal...well, it outta be. dagnabbit!)

It's against the law for a woman to drive in a house coat in California. (oh boy, my ass would be sooo fried!)

In Texas, it's illegal to milk another person's cow. (unless...well. nevermind.)

 

 

#58...Cuzauntie snookies reminders:

People, according to Cuzsnookie, our investigative reporter, these are actual state laws.  pay attention and consider yourself hereby warned.

In Alabama it is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.  (snickering, however, is allowed) 

In Texas, it is illegal to curse in front of, or indecently expose oneself to, a corpse. (damn, there goes my favorite past-time) 

In Michigan, a man legally owns his wife's hair. (is he responsible for the shampoo and set too?)

Kansas law prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat. (darn, and they can be such pesky water rodents)

In Idaho, the law states all boxes of candy given as romantic gifts must weigh more than 50 pounds. (what? i suppose a box of spuds is more romantic?)

It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas. (killjoys.)

In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school or place of worship. (human mating, however, is encouraged.)

In Washington state, it's against the law to sleep in an outhouse without the owner's permission.  (eew. thats just plain iccky)

Putting salt on a railroad track can be punishable by death in the state of Alabama. (Peanut M&M's and small children are okay though)

In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow. (oh come now, who here isn't guilty of this one.)

In Connorsville, Wisconsin a man is legally prohibited from shooting a gun while his female partner is having an orgasm. (well, duh. you know why, don't you...)

In New York, it's against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun. (bats, however, are encouraged.)

 

#57....Flora's quote for the day

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."

                                                        ~Dan Quayle

#56...Flora's news flash: happy birthday sharon osbourne.

 sharon osbourne turned 51 today.  happy f@!*king birthday sharon! 

she is the all time evil f@!*king rock goddess. and my personal f@!*king idol.

you f@!*king rock girl.

"i don't believe in Canada."  ~ozzy osbourne (gotta love a man with convictions.)

#55....Curvy coolness.

okay, i completed workout # 2 of the curvy experience today. not too bad. found i didnt need nearly as much oxygen this time round.  and it really only took me 30 minutes.

cool beans.

 

Wednesday, October 8, 2003

#54...kitty jewelry

Kitty sat there with these earrings and beads on for picture after picture..he thinks he looks "pretty"...

but we all know he just looks

...stupid.

#53...CURVES RANT CONTINUED...

(continued here because aol can't stand us using more than 2500 characters at one sitting..) so as i was saying..

You alternate jog, walk, or step in place for 30 seconds, then go to a strength training station, you continue through till you complete a cycle...there is music playing, with prompts to let you know when to check your pulse..The curvy woman on the tape times you for that as well as when to change stations..at the end of three cycles, and if you are still breathing - you are finished.  Curvy staff people circulate, watching your form and technique, and to administer oxygen or cpr if needed. At the end, you go to a ballet bar and stretch and lenghten your newly toned and curvy muscles.

and it really does only take a half hour, and it was not altogether torturous....and you come away thinking.."Hey, i can do this."

that is, of course, until the next morning..when your body creaks and moans at every bend...and your motrin bottle is empty...

...will she continue? stay tuned.

#52...subject: CURVES RANT

     "..and because I am happy and dance and sing, they think they have done me no injury."

     I dunno, i think maybe William Blake said that somewhere in time before there were torture chambers that go under the guise of CURVES.  For those of you who are not familiar with these places...let me clue you in.  The CURVES franchaises are the newest exercise rage in town for us curvy older forty-something people who still want to look like 18yr olds.  what. what are you laughing at now?  HEY I CAN DREAM CAN'T I! 

Anyway..they hook you into these classes for numerous (on the surface, at least) reasons:

1. the storefronts are dressed nicely in privacy-insuring drapes or shades (to protect the young and innocent passerby's i suspect...)

2. there use no mirrors to let you watch your routine. (how kind of them.)

3. they have an "all-women" exercise only policy. (thank the Lord)

4.  they are staffed with forty-something "curvy" women who still wear loose fitted exercise clothing. (cool.)

5. they're equipment is no-frills-bare-bone-resistant-type training. (truly one size fits all).

6. the clientel is mostly other women that look like myself (but we all think we look better than the other..utilizing the "I'm not as big as her" philosophy.) 

7. it is affordable - $29. a month. (no excuses, right?)

8. they claim to give you a 1 1/2 hr cardio and strength training routine compacted to only a half hour.  (who doesn't have time for that?)

okay, so i fall for it. i decide to join and give it a try.  they signed me up, weighed and measured me, and walked me through the program.  You alternate (continued on the next entry..)

 

  

#51....flora's quote for the day.."Invention."

"i always wanted to invent something that would move around & make funny noises & would change the world as we know it...

 i forgot all about that until i had kids & now i see that i came pretty close."

-brian andreas

Sunday, October 5, 2003

#50....its 4:43 am

and all's well....

...and the patient's were nestled all snug in their beds...

while visions of pain-relief danced in their heads.

with Kristie in her stethescope, and I in my scrubs

had just settled down for some coffee and grub....

Friday, October 3, 2003

#49....Good God, this is turning into a cat journal, isn't it?

how does this happen!? I don't even like cats.

 

they're evil I tell you.....see, they make perfectly normal people do crazy things.  Next, he'll have me posting about teddy bears and rainbows and sparkles...

forgive me.

 

#48...kitty weirdness.

...so kitty, decided to change sunning positions today.

it was kinda weird, watching a cat climb up on the chair and position himself, very deliberately, to use the armrest like that. 

what you can't see is the little bolster pillow behind his back and his legs crossed at his little cat ankles.. 

next, he'll be lighting cigars....

 

 

 

Thursday, October 2, 2003

#47..."There are but four questions of value in life..."

What, is sacred?

Of what, is the spirit made?

What, is worth living for?

And what, is worth dying for?

 

 

Wednesday, October 1, 2003

#46...okay, this is just plain weird.

http://www.sulabhtoiletmuseum.org/fact.htm

..and be sure not to miss the museum.

#45.....and now Flora, on Murphy's Law

~~okay, so i dont know what a hoopy is, but i do remember wing windows on cars. and i suspect there are a few of us who know how to "pop the clutch" -  and can really appreciate, when successful, what that means. 

i do remember breaking and entering my own baby blue, `64 Biscayne chevy with a hanger when i was 16. (and no, the car was already a classic when I got it) and yes, it was a thrill to be a criminal for a moment, and stare down passerby's looks with a glare like..."I meant to do that."

It is the same when the buttered toast lands unbuttered side down, and you kiss the dirt off to God, and are thankful that you don't have to now wipe up a greasy spot on the newly cleaned kitchen floor.  Or the spot on your new shirt that you thought was a bleach stain, but turned out to be your left-over dribbling of dried toothpaste from brushing your teeth earlier that morning; or finding the five dollars you just gave your son on the driveway for bus fare after he calls you minutes later for a ride, because he missed the bus...

So, some days we are in fact, Gods, able to turn the tides of fate with simple tools like a hanger, or a knee, or phone call. 

.....I say, never underestimate the power of (we) mere mortals.

#44...Robert Fulghum on Murphy's Law

      "Murphy's law does not always hold true.  Ever once in a while the fundamental laws of the universe seem to be suspended, and not only does everything go right, nothing seems to be able to keep it from going right.  It's not always something as dramatic as the long-bomb or the slam-dunk that wins ball games. 

Ever drop a glass and have it bounce nine times and not even chip?  Ever come from work to find your lights have been on all day and your battery is dead, but you parked your car on a hill and you let your old hoopy roll and it fires the first time, you pop the clutch and off you roar with a big heart?  Ever pull out that drawer in your desk, that has a ten year accumulation of junk in it - pull it too far, and just as it's about to vomit its contents all over your room, you get a knee under it and stagger back hopping on one foot doing a balancing act like the great Zucchini and you don't lose it?   

A near miss at an intersection; the glass of knocked over milk that waltzes across the table but doesn't spill; the deposit that beat your rubber check to the bank because there was a holiday you forgot about; the lump in your breast that turned out to be benign; the heart attack that turned out to be gas; picking the right lane for once in a traffic jam; opening the door of your car with a coat hanger through the wing window on the first try. And on & on & on."

           

Monday, September 29, 2003

#43...Flora's all time favorite quote: Desiderata

      Go placidly amid the noise and haste & remember what peace there may be in silence.  As far as possible be on good terms with all persons.  Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull & the ignorant, they too have their story.

     Avoid loud and agressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.  If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.  Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.  Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.  Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.  But let this not blind you to what virture there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.  Be yourself...

     Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.  Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.  Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.  But do not distress yourself with imaginings.  Many fears are born of fatigue and lonliness.  Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees or the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, the universe is unfolding as it should.

     Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be; and whatever your labors & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life - keep peace with your soul.  With all of its slum, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.  Be careful. Strive to be happy.

                                               ~Max Ehrmann

 

#42....Which would you rather have:

a navel that continuously oozes ketchup....

or..

a midget permanently affixed to your back?

 

go ahead, talk amongst yourselves.....

#41....coffee and cat paws.

Okay, so the coffee is made..Mmmm...and the bagel is toasted.  The cat, as usual, is soaking up the morning rays on the floor.  I resisted temptation and did not lay down with him. Okay, I lied. I tried to resist temptation and not lay down. I failed miserably.

And the catdog, as only he can do, did something magical when I layed near him. With eyes closed he stretched out his padded little slipper paw and touched my hand and kept it there.  As if to say - "Life doesn't get much better than this kiddo - bathing your skin in seven minute old sunlight...you should stay awhile."

so i did.

Sometimes animals remind us how to pay attention to things.

 

Sunday, September 28, 2003

#40...It's time to add a serious entry.

but just not right now.

#39...Things that annoy Flora to no friggin end.

#1. friggin telephone automated responses.

#2. telephone friggin automated responses.

#3. automated telephone responses - what the frig!

 

 

#38......entry

just to see if anyone is paying attention...

 

Saturday, September 27, 2003

#36...Flora's nerdy quote for the day:

"It's just hard to string a lot of atoms together.  I mean, these things are wickedly small.  They're sensitive little buggers too."

~Seth Lloyd of MIT

(referring to the progress and manufacturing of quantum computers.)

 

....yes, i do read these kinds of "tings."  in truth, we are all nerds at heart. come on, admit it.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

#35...Flora's quote for the day, (Sept 25, 03)

"I began these pages for myself, in order to think out my own particular pattern of living, my own individual balance of life, work, and human relationships."

                                                                       ~anne morrow lindbergh

                               Your own journal awaits you.

                                                                               Jump.

#34..Flora's poll for the day:

okay. so is it time to clean your windows when:

1. you see cloudiness and smeary streaks?

2. your window's "accumulations" act as sunscreen?

3. people keep asking why all the shades are down (and you dont have shades)?

4. none of the above.

i would like your input. wouldn't want to waste windex unnecessarily. call me frugel. just dont call me shirley.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

#33..."Tings" to do today.

1. do not waste time posting, when i could be cleaning.

wait...

1.  do not waste time posting, when i could be exercising.

wait...

1. do not waste time posting, when i could be eating...

wait.

1. do not waste time posting, when i could be shopping.......

 


 

#32...Flora's quote for the day. Sept 24, 03

Talent develops in quiet places,

character -

in the full current of human life.

~Goethe

#31...he's da man...

okay, so a friend sends me this link.  i open it.  i die laughing.

(well, okay that's just a figure of speech, I didn't die, but I was wheezing..)

the man song:  ------------>  http://www.gethonest.com/TestButton.html

 

 

#30...class. Class. CLASS! thank you.

"Remember to never split an infinitive.  The passive voice should never be used.  Do not put statements in the negative form.  Verbs have to agree with their subjects.  Proofread carefully to see if you words out.  If you reread your work, you can find on rereading, a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.  A writer must not shift your point of view.  And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember too, a preposition is a terrible word to end your sentence with.)  Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!  Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.  Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.  If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.  Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors. Avoid trendy locations that sound flaky.  Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.  Always pick the correct idiom.  The adverb always follows the verb.  Last but  not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives."

~ william safire

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

#29...hmmm.

i was going to add an entry just now,

but then,

i didn't feel like it.

 

...hey. wait a minute..

Saturday, September 20, 2003

#28. Flora's quote for the day (sept 20, 03)

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

                           ~Dan Quayle '89

                  Speech to the United Negro College Fund.

                    ("A mind is a terrible thing to waste.")

#27...my daughter carlie's, response.

"Thats creepy!"

"He's such a freak!  Why does he do things like that?!!"

laughing...you think she'd be used to it by now.

#26.... BACK OFF LADIES, HE'S MINE.

Okay, so my husband comes in saying, "From now on I'm going to meet the township inspectors wearing these..." 

"Wearing what?" I call from upstairs, still busy checking my ebay auctions.

"Well, these.  I think if I come out of the construction trailor yelling, "What!  What do you want now!?",  they will leave me alone."

I looked over the railing to see what he was talking about.

And that is what I found. I busted out laughing.

"Where did you find them!?" I finally asked, after I cleared the tears from my eyes..

"Oh - In my toolbox." he replied nonchalantly and then walked out of the room to go back to whatever he was doing in the garage.

Yes folks, you heard right. In his toolbox.

Why, am I not surprised.

Well, you just gotta love a man who knows the value of a good pair of safety goggles. 

Friday, September 19, 2003

#25...Flora's quote for the day: (sept 19,03)

"The important thing is to not stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.  One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality.  It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day.  Never lose a holy curiosity."

                                                    ~albert einstein.

#24....AND GOOD RIDDANCE!!

It appears Isabel finally got tired of us and like the great big whore that she is, moved on to ravage other unsuspecting lawn chairs, and plantings and trees.  Well, good riddance. "We don't need your kind around these parts, lady!"  I raged my fist at her. 

I walked around to survey the damage. Hmmm..kinda looks like the morning after a good keg party.  Some of the trees and bushes are hung over from all of the fun....

No. really....hung over.

Slightly off kilter. Some horizontal, even. 

I could just hear them all just moaning.."Killer party, dude!"  "Man o' man...that Isabel is some pa-har-tay animal!"  "Dude!" called another, "How 'bout those twister sisters!?"  

The rosebushes, however, were not as impressed.  "Shut up!" one yelled, "That bitch blew all my petals off!"  "Look!" said another, "I think she killed the sunflowers!" Another screamed.  Sure enough, we appeared to have had a sunflower casualty. Maybe...

or maybe the sunflower just commited Hari-Kari, too intoxicated to stand up straight from the night of fun and festivities, it layed there with its head submerged in the stagnant birdbath water...

I walked over to check for a pulse.

Nope.

Nada.

Dead as a doornail.  

I assessed for further evidence... wait... what's this?  "Nope." I said aloud,  "This was clearly a homicide."  I called to the rosebushes, "Look here - her neck has been snapped."  "The poor thing didnt have a chance,"  I said, shaking my head...

In sorrow, the roses sighed, and hung what was left of their pretty petaled heads....

 

 

Thursday, September 18, 2003

#23...take that isabel!

the floralilian curse.

why? because the b*tch deserves it.

#22...ISABEL BLOWS.

okay, so today, hurricane isabel decided to stop by. 

been a while since i had to play host to a hurricane in this part of pennsylvania. I wasn't sure what to serve...lawn chair, table...hanging basket, or beloved maple tree? and i hardly knew how to dress for the occasion either. do you think these heels are too much with my nightie?

i know, i know...i had plenty of time to prepare for her visit.  but true to floralilian form,

i didnt.  

so this morning, of course the neighbors were understanding when i had to run outside in my nightgown and collect all of the blown over deck furniture...again.  And Isabel, with her warped sense of tornadic humor, got her jollies by flipping my nightie over my head while i struggled to put the cafe umbrella down. 

not a very pretty sight, I assure you. Verrry funny isabel.  do us a favor won't you -  and don't overstay your (un)welcome.

 

#21..Flora's quote for the day. (sept 18, 03)

"Consult not your fears, but your hopes and dreams.  Think not about your failures but about your unfulfilled potential.  Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but what is still possible to do...

                                             ....To live is to change."

~John XXII

#20...cuzsnookie's urgent hair advice:

A haircut .... NEVER ... EVER ... have your haircut when there is a full moon ... or even worse yet ... when there have been a week of full moons.... Believe me ... you will NOT like it!!!!!!! Now it is too late for me... but you've been warned....

hear that folks! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. 

kindly send contributions for cuzsnookies new hair(less) accessories to:

scarves-r-us

c/o cuzsnookie

phoenix, az.

thank you.

(and a note to cuz...mebbe it will be a good look for halloween?.....cringing...and running....)

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

#19..duty calls.

...okay, sometimes we have to do things against our every fiber of being. 

like work.

which, while necessary, is still unfortuate. cause id rather be here. but i cant. so i wont. but i will...see you tonight.

#18..Flora's quote for the day (sept 17, 03)

"Not for me the pale shades of anonymity, but the hot lush colours of imagination, creativity, and accomplishment."

~Isabel

#17...more of aunt snookie's bits of wonder:

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt
tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can
be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit any porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a
wlohe.

ceehiro

thanks for sharing that, cuzauntie snookie!...taht saw tnecifingam!  wiat, waht i maent to say was....taht was mganificnet!!

 

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

#16...best opening line in a book:

"I woke up in bed with a man and a cat.  The man was a stranger; the cat was not."

~r. heinlein

to sail beyond the sunset

#15...aunt snookie's bits of wonder:

*^*^  Do the humps on camels hold water?  *^*^

No!

The humps on a camel's back are actually huge heaps of fat and flesh that can weigh as much as 80 pounds in a healthy camel. These humps help camels survive for weeks without food and water.

When water and food become scarce on the deserts where camels roam, the fatty humps serve as stored food and are used for nourishment. As the camel's body metabolizes or uses up the humps' stored fat, the hump becomes smaller and flabbier. So the longer the camel goes without eating, the smaller its hump gets. The size of a camel's hump helps determine a camel's health, food sources, and overall well-being.

These humps, or reserves of fat, are the reason why camels can go for days without water and food. While humans are supposed to drink 8 glasses of water a day, camels can go without water for up to 2 weeks!

well, all i have to say to that is...yeah, their humps and MY ANKLES....

thanks aunt snookie, for that bit of education.

see folks, you learn something new every damn day, eh?

#14....Flora's quote for the day (sept 16, 03)

"People would ask what I did, and I would say, "I'm a writer!"  They inevitably would ask, "What do you write?"

                                 .......When I answered "Journals,"

sometimes they chuckled or smirked, or said, "No really - what do you write - for real?" as though journals were less valuable somehow.

                                     Journals are not less valuable.

Whatever coaxes us out of hiding, to write, record, and express, is a revolutionary act.  It says that we believe our lives count.

                                             Our lives do count.

~SARK

#13...damn cat.

damn cat. he just bit me for disturbing his sunbathing.

i hate cats.

#12..okay, poured the coffee.

sipping my coffee, mmmm...now thats a damn good cup of joe, flora...

you know, i think they should get rid of the "music im listening to:" heading and replace it with "random thought"  or..something. then, if you wanted, you could put in music that you are listening to, or anything else for that matter.  but then again, its not stopping me from entering randomly is it.  you know what i think i will like about this blog or journal writing? that it is a great form of stream of consciousness writing. damn, you never know where it will take you.  i hope i dont need mapquest for directions.

and Linus was right - "happiness is a warm, sun-drenched kitten." (the original text might have been garbled here.)

#11. okay, coffee brewing.

okay. im back. slept a little, started the coffee, checked on the position of hurricane isabel, filled the birdfeeders and layed in the sunbeam for a few moments with "kitty".

im sorry, i couldnt help it. there is something wonderfully inviting about a kitty laying in the sun. and im not even a cat person. Kitty, for those of you who dont know him, is our big orange tom cat, who thinks he is a dog. which is probably why, not being a cat person, i like him. kitty had a real name at one time, spitticus, (because as a kitten he spit and clawed alot) but we abandoned that long ago, because well, its just easier to say kitty, and well, he doesnt hardly ever spit anymore at things or animals, or people. i think that showed real growth on his part, dont you? 

being the only living thing in the house with a tail, pretty much everyone knows who you are referring to when you speak of kitty. (notice, i didnt say being the only living thing in the house with fur, because that would be a lie and is a touchy subject with my husband - who still wont let me wax him.)