So the damn japanese beetles are chewing on my Crepe Myrtle and Flowering Plum - leaving lacy remnants of what used to be leaves.
And all the while having orgies - those "in your face" orgies on top of orgies on top of orgies of shameless sex - humping and thumping and swapping and chewing and grinding and buzzing and flying into walls and into my hair and down my shirt...
Enough! There is something decidedly creepy about having to retrieve a fresh from sex beetle from between my cleavage - traumatizing even - Enough I say!
And so I went out and bought some beetle bags - those "Japaneze beetle traps"..deciding against sprays and pesticides - deciding to go the humane way and collect those pesty creatures, save the environment, play fire against fire with a tiny potent sex lure......only to find them full to the brim, spilling humping little shiny green beetles over the rims in less than 24 hours.
The green bags bulged with the squirming humping beetles meeting their demise under the shear weight of the orgies on top of them - dropping in one, after the other, after the other - all frantically searching for the "sex " they have so eagerly detected. Add to it the 97 degree sun constantly beating on the pulsating humpers and soon I have a bulging bag of slowly saute-ing humpers getting that one last pathetic and futile hump in.
I feel bad.
Kinda, sorta.
To see the rippling, squirming, bulging bag, and then seeing a few of them trying to wiggle out of the three air holes on the bottom; trying to wiggle free of the pressing weight, and the suffocation, and the heat...and almost, just almost, hear the tiny whispered screams of ...."helllllp me.....helllllp me...." from their little mandible faces with little hooked arms outstretched..
I ponder the distress calls briefly - letting a small amount of guilt seep into me for inflicting such pain and suffering on the little horny creatures...worse probably than a few sprays of Japaneze Beetle Pesticide....
nah.
"Die! You little bastards! Die!" I say and cackle hysterically in the face of their torture.
I think I need to stop watching CNN.
