#82. happy halloween.

boo.

#81...and Cher takes the final bow..

                   

Well, the crowd never thought to sit down again, so Bud and I were sentenced to watching the entire rest of the show from our $83.00 uncomfortable seats via the twin Cher big screen TV's.  Could only have had a better more comfortable seats..

at home, I tell ya. 

True to Hollywood, and Las Vegas, her plastic surgeon, her makeup artist, her dress and set designer, Cher.... looked.... "mahvelous."  She did not look her 55 odd some years.  She was still fit and trim, and even allowed us to see just the slightest hint of upper arm jiggle - and on big screen TV's, nonetheless.  Cher sang and did her signature Cher walk back and forth along the stage. She went through at least five or six big flamboyant feathery costume changes. All over the top, all completely Cher.

While we waited for her changes, we were shown montages on her big screen tv's of all the moments in Cher's lengthy and varied career. Surprisingly, the highlight of the highlights was when she paid tribute to Sony.  Boy, did he let her shine. He had a great smile.  He loved her.  She loved him.  We mourned him.  We missed him.  We understood the divorce, but we never wanted it...for them, or us...still.

                                              

 We took noticeof just how much she has accomplished, how much she has seen, how much she has done. (I just didn't know.) Such an amazing career - She has worked with almost everyone of importance in Hollywood. She sang, she danced, she acted, she married, she metamorphed. She made babies, she divorced, she set fashion trends, she met presidents, she traveled, she seduced the navy boys. She made us laugh, she made us cry, she made us jealous (it's not fair she should get all  the good genes.)  She gave us tabloids. She entertained. (She still does.) She woo'ed the multitudes. She gave us memories - hers, and our own.

She survived. 

And when she gave us her last bow,

she earned my applause..

as well as my respect. 

All hail the Diva Royale!

Damnit, she earned it.

(Great goat horn kudo's to you too, Cher.)

PS:  Watch out for Tommy, Tommy Drake that is.  Remember his name.  He's gonna be big I tell ya.

 

(ta da!)

#80..and finally the diva arrives.

 

so -Tommy-  exits stage left, unharmed from his final act of juggling an apple, a bowling ball, and a machete. Tommy also managed to take bites of the apple while juggling it all. (I wondered if he realized how he honored the fans with use of the bowling ball...after all, it is the national pastime in Reading, Pa.) The juggling act, by the way, was a bonus.

Oh, and his last name is..Drake.  Tommy Drake.  Watch out for him.  He's gonna be big someday.

TommyDrake  leaves, probably to go check his email...

And after another brief intermission, the lights dim again, and someone "pumped up the volume" on the Cher music.  The atmosphere is filled with electricity.  The crowd is pumped up too, thanks to Tommy...

Tommy Drake, that is. 

Remember his name.

He's gonna be big someday.

The light show begins and slowly, ever so dramatically, Cher enters center stage..from, well...

above...

via a chandelier...

wearing a big famous Cher costume, or maybe it was a big Mummers outfit.  I still can't be sure.  But it was big, and it was white, and it glittered, and it had feathers.  White ones. Big, white, Cher feathers.

                                   

I think she is singing. I can't be sure.  It sure sounds like her, but I can't see her lips moving. Mostly because I can't see Cher... 

Anymore.

She is immediately blotted out like the sun, eclipsed by the standing and cheering Cher fans on the floor and all around her.  They love her.

By God, they love her.

 

(continued, yep, even more...)

#79...Hey, Tommy's not too bad..

Okay..so the crowd settles down and - Tommy - takes center stage.

We listen politely, and politely chuckle at the first of his jokes..

But slowly, slowly, he begins to grow on us.

Hey, actually, this guy is pretty funny...

and clean. not one foul word in his whole routine.  He even complimented we Pennsylvanians on our beautiful state especially this time of year - that was completely cool of him.

Amazing.  I didn't think they grew them like that anymore..

Tommy, in the end, got a standing ovation.

Way to go, Tommy dude. You rock!

(Big goat horns to you!)

 

 

(continued...)

#78...Ladies and Gentlemen - let's have a big hand for..

...our opening act -  comedian Tommy ...(somebody). I dunno, I wasn't really listening after I heard the word - opening..

Oh great. Now we have to suffer through an opening act. I look at my timex watch. It's 8:30pm - the show was to start at 7:30pm.

I think to myself, "this is going to be a looooong night.  It's Tuesday night, fer chrissakes, don't these people know we have to work in the morning?!"

The Reading folks didn't seem to mind.  I suppose to Cher diehard fans this is just considered foreplay...

 

(continued...)

 

 

#77...the lights dim..

The crowd goes wild. Everyone with the floor seats stands up to cheer. The silver hands go up, and wave around wildly.  The zebra hat is sauntering back up a staircase. The video camera zooms in on the little girl in the headdress, and then onto the toothless older bleached blond sporting a Cher sailor cap with loving words written on it...

People start dancing. The camera woos the crowd. The fans cheer wildly in hopes to be shown on Cher's twin big screen TV's...Cher music is blaring...

Meanwhile back at our seats, Bud, having just made contact with Mark via cell phone, gets annoyed he can't hear over the crowd - but he does at least, spot Mark - waving wildly across the arena.  He points them out to me..I can't see where, but I wave wildly back too...Bud tells Mark, "Yes, I see them too."  (I don't)...

But that's okay, the show is about to begin!

 

(continued...)

 

#76...wait....

rather, what

is

that...

I zeroed in on the moving target...Yep, hold it right there sister..

Behold the women, who very much resembled (purposely or otherwise) a youngish Patty LaBelle across the sea of Cher fans.  One really couldn't, (nor shouldn't) miss her - I mean, I'm not sure if it was the zebra hat with red feathers (yay!) and matching coat - or the red woolen catsuit she wore underneath that caught my eye first.  But damn, she was curvy and grand! "Baby got back," I heard a brotha say... She walked ever so slow and slinky...as if to say -   "I'm da bomb..and ah  know it - all eyes on me now, chillin.."  

I sat mesmerized.

Could it be? 

Would I be so lucky? 

Was she really a she...or a he being a she...one will never know..

Of course, I hoped I would spot the most amazing... the biggest blue ribbon of all Cher fans...The Cher Impersonator.  But alas,  the lights suddenly began to dim..

 

(continued...)

#75...Viva Las Vegas..Reading style..

I immediately began scanning the crowd for eye candy...  Ooh look, a  little fan club over there..holding up huge silver handmade hands in the famous "Rock on!" symbol.

Now, I believe in some Christian circles, they think it's the sign of the devil, "Satan's Salute" you know, the sign of goat horns - thumb, index, and little finger up, middle and ring fingers folded down...See, just like this:

               

Presidents, surfers, skateborders, and rock stars do it...usually with their mouth open, screaming, and their tongues (with tongue piercing) sticking out.  I think too, it's a favorite sign of the "Girls Gone Wild" tape produced by good ol' Snoop Dog, but I can't be sure....how cute - look, they even sewed red hearts on the palm of the silver hands...

And look, there is a small girl childe, obviously being indoctrinated into the Cher cult  for the first time - dressed fully in a feathered red and black sequined headdress and feathered frock...and there, a guy with a black beret and goatee, pierced ears and biker boots, standing up, scanning the crowd.  Oh, and over there three gay men, sitting on the edge of their seats, bent over each other scanning their Cher program together..one pointed to a pic, and then placed his hand over his heart and sighed...

and the bald burly guy with tattoos and piercings, sat arm folded in his sleeveless denim shirt patiently waiting on the show.  I wondered if those tattoos down his neck hurt when he got them done.  I wondered if somewhere on his body was a tattoo or two of Cher....

and the two women over there dressed in black.

leather.

from head to toe.

and the couple with matching mullets...

and the elderly woman in a mint green floral moo-moo, (Hmmm. Did she mean to leave that last roller in the back of her head?)  I wasn't sure.

Fans here and there were throwing back beers, of course, the cultured biker women drank only from plastic beer cups...Whoops! One fell down the steps there...Cher fans all around gave her a standing ovation...then jumped up to help her.  (She probably just caught the heel of her leather boot on a gap in the stairs...)

I continued scanning the crowd for more eye candy...Oops. Hold it...back up...

what.

was.

that...

 

(continued...)

#74...Reading comes to Las Vegas continued..or something like that..

..Okay, so we actually had an usher walk us down to our seats, he even extended his hand gracefully, palm side up in the direction of our seats. I swear he did this with a little bow and politely told us that he hoped we "Enjoy the show."  ("Oh, I already am!" I kept to myself..)

We squeezed two seats down from a man, who also was wearing the appropriate Cher attire - black Cher tee - with jeans..(and Members Only jacket), and his date...or...girlfriend...or mother...I couldn't tell.  She was a pillowly woman, neatly dressed, sitting snugly in the seat right next to ours.  She nodded politely as we squeezed past and continued to chew on her Reading soft pretzel. 

Bud and I took our $83.00 ticketed priced seats, first row, floor level.  To the right of us, was a line of various aged biker women, obviously enjoying a girl's night out, in their matching black Cher T-shirt attire.  Suddenly I was feeling a bit self conscious being the only couple in our row not wearing the required Reading Cher Farewell Tour h'aute coiture du jour...

 

(continued...)

#73...Las vegas comes to Reading..continued even more.

We radioed Brother Mark and gave him our coordinates.  His limo had just dropped them off at the front door, they were just entering the gates. 

Brother Mark had all the tickets on him, which meant that he would have to meet us at our gate so that we could get in. Which, of course, he did.  I was happy to see Lori and him, and eager to sit together so we all could do a little people watching before the show began. 

But no, Mark told us that the seats were not together - our two were on one side mid-center, front row - while his and Lori's were clear across the stadium, on the side too, but a section closer to the stage - front row. We had only minutes to get to our seats before the show began. 

We gave quick kisses hello and good-bye, and said maybe we would be able to meet up with them at intermission.  They went their way and we went ours.  We vowed to stay in touch via cell phone. 

So much for the couple's night out...at least out together.. 

 

 

(continued...)

#72..Las Vegas comes to Reading continued

...We searched for signs for the Sovereign Center.  We searched for signs for parking for the Sovereign Center.   We noticed crowds of people walking from metered parking spaces along the city streets.  We knew then that we were on the right track - the tip off:  a big burly guy with gray hair and beard covered in tattoos carried a homemade Cher sign that read "You rock Cher! We love u!" (with a little red heart, where the word love should be..)  It was a nice touch, and went well with his black Cher tee-shirt worn under his fringed black leather riding jacket.

We pulled the car in a parking garage on the next block. It cost $7.00.  The hooded gentleman collecting the money, said to my husband "Nice car, dude."  "Thanks." he responded back.  We parked past the maroon van, that had "Cher's #1 Diva!"  "We love you Cher!" written all over it in white greasepaint. They were obviously Cher graffiti professionals.  We walked across the street to the back entrance to the Cher Center.  While crossing the street, I noticed three shiny brand-new looking white and chrome touring buses parked at the curb.  I thought, "Wow, people actually booked a bus trip to get here"

"No wait..maybe those are Cher's buses!"  I stopped. I craned my neck.  No use, the shades were drawn.  The little plate on the side of the bus said "Professional Touring Services, New York, NY"   I was suddenly starstruck. "That must be Cher's touring bus..." I whispered to my husband.  (I didn't want to start a Cher fan stampede.) 

Suddenly, I felt myself actually catching Cher fever.

The lines to get in moved fast. Incredibly, the people were well-behaved. They chatted and smiled to one another.  They made room for newcomers.  They were even courteous -  A refreshing change from other concert, nay Philly, experiences.  

The crowd was a mixture of forty and fifty somethings.  And as expected, I got my first taste of the night's attire.  Leather, Glitter, Flannel, Sequins, Jeans, Suits and even a floral Moo-Moo. I was a trifle disappointed though - I couldn't find anyone with feathers.

Almost everyone wore glasses. Almost everyone had tattoos.  Almost everyone had wrinkles.  Some covered them up better than others. The gay men, were, of course, impeccably dressed -  smiling, and fidgeting in excitement and anticipation - chomping at the bit to get inside - wanting to be the very first to get the $35. Cher program.   

(continued...)

#71...Las Vegas comes to Reading, Pa. continued.

...so Mark and Lori, decide to go to the show via Limo, (he has disposable income - we do not), and we drive from the opposite direction to meet up at the show via our car.  We kept in contact via cell phone.  As they were sipping martini's - we were sipping Sams Choice water daintly from a plastic bottle...(again, the juxtapostion of the night's unfolding events was not lost on me.)

A couple of miles outside of Reading, we were slowed up by a traffic jam, a car had struck a telephone poll and knocked out electricity for miles around the scenic hills of Pennsylvania.  I worried if Cher's dressing room lights had flickered...

Finally we made it into town.  For those of you who have not been to Reading - let me draw you a picture. Reading is really a lovely little town nestled in a valley between tree covered mountainsides. When viewed from the famous Reading Pagota, which is situated at the top of their tallest mountain - it looks exactly like a little christmas village one might find under a christmas tree with a miniature train running around -

...Little church steeples, little mossy tree lined streets - little cars - with little pedestrians, little blinking street lights, little smoking factories, little warehouses and little fire houses, and of course, the little train tracks with the little train, tooting its little horn, running off in the distance...

                  

It's a place right off a Currier and Ives postcard.  It's a scene from under Cuzauntie Snookie's (Wish I were back in Pennsylvania for Christmas, because cactus Christmas trees still look funny) Christmas tree...

Reading is really a nice, blue collared, hard working, weekend warrior, hog riding, Cher loving, back hills, Pennsylvania kinda town.  It's a nice place to visit. Billy Joel even wrote a song about it - no wait - that was Allentown...

Some people grow up their whole lives there. Some people move out as fast as they can there. The town's motto goes something like -   "Live and let live...can I have another Bud lite please?"

(continued...)

#70...Las vegas comes to Reading, Pa. continues..

So the big night arrives, and I fret about what to wear. (Some things you never grow out of.)

I mean really, what does one wear to a farewell tour ....of Cher...in Reading. After all, it is a special occasion...I mean, come on!..it's Cher for Chrissakes!...and it is her farewell tour!...but..

it is in Reading. 

Somehow, I just can't wrap my mind around it - I just can't put the two together..it's like wearing plaid and florals together..or flannel and feathers with leather and sequins - actually, it's a lot like wearing flannel and leather and sequins...some things just have to be done with finesse..and curiously, the people of Reading already know how to do this.

Pictures of the locals flood my mind - Christ!  I don't even have one tattoo...or matching nascar baseball cap...

I don't own leather pants..or boa's..or sequins..or plaid flannel shirts..(okay, I have flannel sheets but that doesn't do me any good...) I worried that I would surely be shown up, by the biker chicks and the gay men and the nascar fans in the audience.  I'm already in a complete tizzy when it dawns on me - Oh God! I'll even have to wear my glasses if I want to see anything!..I'll look so...old...so...mature...soooo totally uncool!

But of course, I will want to see everything.....this being Reading and all - and Cher is in town..

Finally, I decide to go the incognito, the inconspicuous route. I settle on jeans, a white shirt, a kakhi jacket, and comfortable brown suede sandals and of course, my glasses. I didn't want to miss the show, (and I'm not talking about Cher, here) ...it's a look that, I think, says - yuppie..

Okay, I'm lying.  It's a look that says, I'm comfortable.

I'm fortysomething.

Dammit. I've earned the right to wear elastic waistbands.

It also says:  Listen, I'm just a fly on the wall here... Entertain me.

- you too, Cher...

(continued...)

 

#69...Las Vegas comes to Reading, Pa. The Cher Farewell Tour.

Okay, so, I was going along, minding my own business when my husband comes home and says - "A, don't make plans for tuesday nite - we're going to go see Cher in concert.  It's her farewell tour.." 

I'm thinking, I seriously hope he didn't spend money on those tickets...I mean, I like Cher and all, but I really had no burning desire to go see her...and I wondered to myself, which farewell tour was this going to be for her...I didn't know she still had time for tours, what with being busy doing infomercials and all..

"Brother Mark has two extra tickets for us," he went on to say... 

For those of you who don't know, Brother Mark, is Bud's brother who is always very generous and kind-hearted and loves to go out and do things.. In short, he and his lovely wife Lori, were going to go too - the plan was that we would meet up with them at the show.

Great! I said. Thinking it would be fun to spend a night out with them - we rarely get to do things as couples anymore.

"Where in Philly is she playing?" I inquired. 

"Oh, not philly, the show is in Reading," my husband answered back..

in Reading.

that's in Pennsylvania.

if you're like me, you remember Reading from playing Monopoly.  Thats where they have the Reading Railroad..somewhere between Virginia Avenue and Marvin Gardens I think.

Oh, and they have shopping outlets.  and a pagoda. (ask robin)

"Oh." I replied. "They really have concerts in Reading?" still trying to comprehend the logistics.

"Sure, at the Sovereign Center." came his reply.

Cher...

is coming to Reading.

I mean, Cher - picked Reading as a stop on her farewell tour? This should be interesting, I thought to myself....  (continued)

 

  

 

#68.....today I lived dangerously.

i deleted not one, but two good luck chain emails.

i will bravely and defiantly face the evil that lays before me.

yep, dangerous is my middle name anymore...

#67...a creed for living.

believe that within you lies an extraordinary radiance, and commit to letting your light loose in the world.

believe that the source of your power and wisdom is in the center of your being, and commit to acting from that place of strength.

believe that you possess an abundance of passion and creative potential and commit to the expression of those gifts.

believe that the time has come to let go of old notions and unhealthy attitudes, and commit to re-examing what you have been told about beauty and dismiss what insults your soul.

believe that the negative thoughts and words compromise your well-being, and commit to thinking and speaking positively about yourself and others.

believe that young persons are in need of positive role models, and commit to being and example of authenticity and self-love.

believe in the relationship between well-being and the well-being of the planet, and commit to a life of mindfulness that regards all living things as holy and worthy of your love.

believe it is your spiritual responsibility to care for your body with respect, kindness and compassion, commit to balancing your life in such a way that your physical being is fully expressed and nurtured.

believe that joy is an essential part of wellness, and commit to removing obstacles to joy and creating a life that is full of exuberance.

believe that a person who loves ones self is a powerful, passionate, attractive force, and commit from this day forward to loving yourself deeply and extravagantly.

#66...it's official.

i am now a catdog person.

it happened, when i wasn't even looking.

weird.

#65...meet lucy.

meet lucy.

our newest calico furniture shredder.

she came with extra cat toes,

at no extra charge.

she's cute.

she purrs.

she uses the litter box.

she is another purebred catdog.

she was free...

then cost me 153 bucks at the vet.

she was born on a front porch

to an unwed, promiscuous, mother.

she has two other sisters

and a brother.

they are cute too,

but we didn't take them.

because, well, that would be just plain nuts.

kitty likes lucy.

sometimes.

we like lucy too,

almost all of the time 

we will like her even more,

without her kitty cat claws...heh heh heh.

#64...damn, is it windy today..

i think the house shifted off the foundation just now.  somewhere in my head, i am hearing..."i'll get you my pretty!! ah haha hahahaaaa...

really, i think i am in kansas right now, with dorothy's twister bearing down on me. 

You know things are bad, when the deck furniture is rearranging itself..and the cat won't go outside but shrivels back when you open the door.

it is fun though, to watch the birds hang on the feeder for dear life like that - swinging side to side like some weird bird roller coaster ride..

strange.. i never saw birds squint their eyes like that either, come to think of it...

#63...observation: monday 10-13-03

Okay, can October get any more beautiful than this? Sometimes it is just too much, eh?

makes you want to do silly things, like..like

exercise and

clean windows...

and make a big pot of soup.

well, i have my plan for the day - what's yours?

#62...It's breast cancer awareness month.

CHECK YOUR BREASTS.

(or have someone else do it for you......heh heh heh)

#61...simply.

Simply.

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.  I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you been opened by life's betrayals or have become schriveled and closed from fear of further pain.  I want to know if you can sit with the pain, mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.  I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if  you can dance with wildness and let the ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.  I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.  I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.  I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full  moon.

It doesn't interest me to know where you live, or how much money you have.  I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.  I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with you have have studied.  I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.  I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

~anon.

late entry:  thanks to hammock therapy, Froeboat - who put a name to this for me..

this passage is from the Oriah Mountain Dreamer - "The Invitation"

#60...click here if you need to check the time.

 http://www.lares.dti.ne.jp/~yugo/storage/monocrafts_ver3/03/index.html

#59...cuzsnookie reminders continued:

Cuzsnookie tips continued:  Remember, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on in North Dakota. (oh, those dakotians - always so proper..)

An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take anything other than backwards steps while dancing.  (this of course, is the good ol boys club in action again - it's to benefit the men who can't dance backwards or in any other direction..)

In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.  (um..define sexual relations please....)

In Atlanta, Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. (cause if is wasn't already illegal...well, it outta be. dagnabbit!)

It's against the law for a woman to drive in a house coat in California. (oh boy, my ass would be sooo fried!)

In Texas, it's illegal to milk another person's cow. (unless...well. nevermind.)

 

 

#58...Cuzauntie snookies reminders:

People, according to Cuzsnookie, our investigative reporter, these are actual state laws.  pay attention and consider yourself hereby warned.

In Alabama it is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.  (snickering, however, is allowed) 

In Texas, it is illegal to curse in front of, or indecently expose oneself to, a corpse. (damn, there goes my favorite past-time) 

In Michigan, a man legally owns his wife's hair. (is he responsible for the shampoo and set too?)

Kansas law prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat. (darn, and they can be such pesky water rodents)

In Idaho, the law states all boxes of candy given as romantic gifts must weigh more than 50 pounds. (what? i suppose a box of spuds is more romantic?)

It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas. (killjoys.)

In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school or place of worship. (human mating, however, is encouraged.)

In Washington state, it's against the law to sleep in an outhouse without the owner's permission.  (eew. thats just plain iccky)

Putting salt on a railroad track can be punishable by death in the state of Alabama. (Peanut M&M's and small children are okay though)

In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow. (oh come now, who here isn't guilty of this one.)

In Connorsville, Wisconsin a man is legally prohibited from shooting a gun while his female partner is having an orgasm. (well, duh. you know why, don't you...)

In New York, it's against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun. (bats, however, are encouraged.)

 

#57....Flora's quote for the day

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."

                                                        ~Dan Quayle

#56...Flora's news flash: happy birthday sharon osbourne.

 sharon osbourne turned 51 today.  happy f@!*king birthday sharon! 

she is the all time evil f@!*king rock goddess. and my personal f@!*king idol.

you f@!*king rock girl.

"i don't believe in Canada."  ~ozzy osbourne (gotta love a man with convictions.)

#55....Curvy coolness.

okay, i completed workout # 2 of the curvy experience today. not too bad. found i didnt need nearly as much oxygen this time round.  and it really only took me 30 minutes.

cool beans.

 

#54...kitty jewelry

Kitty sat there with these earrings and beads on for picture after picture..he thinks he looks "pretty"...

but we all know he just looks

...stupid.

#53...CURVES RANT CONTINUED...

(continued here because aol can't stand us using more than 2500 characters at one sitting..) so as i was saying..

You alternate jog, walk, or step in place for 30 seconds, then go to a strength training station, you continue through till you complete a cycle...there is music playing, with prompts to let you know when to check your pulse..The curvy woman on the tape times you for that as well as when to change stations..at the end of three cycles, and if you are still breathing - you are finished.  Curvy staff people circulate, watching your form and technique, and to administer oxygen or cpr if needed. At the end, you go to a ballet bar and stretch and lenghten your newly toned and curvy muscles.

and it really does only take a half hour, and it was not altogether torturous....and you come away thinking.."Hey, i can do this."

that is, of course, until the next morning..when your body creaks and moans at every bend...and your motrin bottle is empty...

...will she continue? stay tuned.

#52...subject: CURVES RANT

     "..and because I am happy and dance and sing, they think they have done me no injury."

     I dunno, i think maybe William Blake said that somewhere in time before there were torture chambers that go under the guise of CURVES.  For those of you who are not familiar with these places...let me clue you in.  The CURVES franchaises are the newest exercise rage in town for us curvy older forty-something people who still want to look like 18yr olds.  what. what are you laughing at now?  HEY I CAN DREAM CAN'T I! 

Anyway..they hook you into these classes for numerous (on the surface, at least) reasons:

1. the storefronts are dressed nicely in privacy-insuring drapes or shades (to protect the young and innocent passerby's i suspect...)

2. there use no mirrors to let you watch your routine. (how kind of them.)

3. they have an "all-women" exercise only policy. (thank the Lord)

4.  they are staffed with forty-something "curvy" women who still wear loose fitted exercise clothing. (cool.)

5. they're equipment is no-frills-bare-bone-resistant-type training. (truly one size fits all).

6. the clientel is mostly other women that look like myself (but we all think we look better than the other..utilizing the "I'm not as big as her" philosophy.) 

7. it is affordable - $29. a month. (no excuses, right?)

8. they claim to give you a 1 1/2 hr cardio and strength training routine compacted to only a half hour.  (who doesn't have time for that?)

okay, so i fall for it. i decide to join and give it a try.  they signed me up, weighed and measured me, and walked me through the program.  You alternate (continued on the next entry..)

 

  

#51....flora's quote for the day.."Invention."

"i always wanted to invent something that would move around & make funny noises & would change the world as we know it...

 i forgot all about that until i had kids & now i see that i came pretty close."

-brian andreas

#50....its 4:43 am

and all's well....

...and the patient's were nestled all snug in their beds...

while visions of pain-relief danced in their heads.

with Kristie in her stethescope, and I in my scrubs

had just settled down for some coffee and grub....

#49....Good God, this is turning into a cat journal, isn't it?

how does this happen!? I don't even like cats.

 

they're evil I tell you.....see, they make perfectly normal people do crazy things.  Next, he'll have me posting about teddy bears and rainbows and sparkles...

forgive me.

 

#48...kitty weirdness.

...so kitty, decided to change sunning positions today.

it was kinda weird, watching a cat climb up on the chair and position himself, very deliberately, to use the armrest like that. 

what you can't see is the little bolster pillow behind his back and his legs crossed at his little cat ankles.. 

next, he'll be lighting cigars....

 

 

 

#47..."There are but four questions of value in life..."

What, is sacred?

Of what, is the spirit made?

What, is worth living for?

And what, is worth dying for?

 

 

#46...okay, this is just plain weird.

http://www.sulabhtoiletmuseum.org/fact.htm

..and be sure not to miss the museum.

#45.....and now Flora, on Murphy's Law

~~okay, so i dont know what a hoopy is, but i do remember wing windows on cars. and i suspect there are a few of us who know how to "pop the clutch" -  and can really appreciate, when successful, what that means. 

i do remember breaking and entering my own baby blue, `64 Biscayne chevy with a hanger when i was 16. (and no, the car was already a classic when I got it) and yes, it was a thrill to be a criminal for a moment, and stare down passerby's looks with a glare like..."I meant to do that."

It is the same when the buttered toast lands unbuttered side down, and you kiss the dirt off to God, and are thankful that you don't have to now wipe up a greasy spot on the newly cleaned kitchen floor.  Or the spot on your new shirt that you thought was a bleach stain, but turned out to be your left-over dribbling of dried toothpaste from brushing your teeth earlier that morning; or finding the five dollars you just gave your son on the driveway for bus fare after he calls you minutes later for a ride, because he missed the bus...

So, some days we are in fact, Gods, able to turn the tides of fate with simple tools like a hanger, or a knee, or phone call. 

.....I say, never underestimate the power of (we) mere mortals.

#44...Robert Fulghum on Murphy's Law

      "Murphy's law does not always hold true.  Ever once in a while the fundamental laws of the universe seem to be suspended, and not only does everything go right, nothing seems to be able to keep it from going right.  It's not always something as dramatic as the long-bomb or the slam-dunk that wins ball games. 

Ever drop a glass and have it bounce nine times and not even chip?  Ever come from work to find your lights have been on all day and your battery is dead, but you parked your car on a hill and you let your old hoopy roll and it fires the first time, you pop the clutch and off you roar with a big heart?  Ever pull out that drawer in your desk, that has a ten year accumulation of junk in it - pull it too far, and just as it's about to vomit its contents all over your room, you get a knee under it and stagger back hopping on one foot doing a balancing act like the great Zucchini and you don't lose it?   

A near miss at an intersection; the glass of knocked over milk that waltzes across the table but doesn't spill; the deposit that beat your rubber check to the bank because there was a holiday you forgot about; the lump in your breast that turned out to be benign; the heart attack that turned out to be gas; picking the right lane for once in a traffic jam; opening the door of your car with a coat hanger through the wing window on the first try. And on & on & on."