#129...The Dark Sucker Theory continued..

....There are also portable Dark Suckers.  In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit.  When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.

  Dark has mass.  When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat.  Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker.  Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass.  This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle.  Also, dark is heavier than light.  If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light.  If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker.  When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness.  This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top.  The is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light.  If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet.   But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.   Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker.  

thank you, cuzauntie..for passing on the enlightenment. ;)      

  

 

#128...another Cuzauntie Snookie contribution...

 

The Dark Sucker Theory

For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise.  Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark.  Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers.  The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.
                                                            
First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory  is that electric bulbs suck dark.  For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in.  There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere.  The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark.  Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.                
                                                     
So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever.  Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck.  This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker.  A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker.  A new candle has a white wick.  You can see that  after the first use, the wick turns black,  representing all the dark that has been sucked into it.  If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black.  This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle.  One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range.

  (continued)

#127...the one true religion...the official invitation.

theonetruereligion , of which, i am a sheeplike follower.

and damn proud of it, thank you.

I hear the Fortress will be festooned with festivities this year...alack and alas, i cannot attend..my rsvp was as follows:

"Regrettably, i regret to inform you too, that i too, will be unable to personally imbibe in the welcoming festivities planned for the new year at the Impossible Fortress of Doom, at least for this new year, due to circumstances beyond my control, for one, being, that the Fortress of Doom, is built in a state much further away than mine, and to walk or drive there would be...well, just plain nuts. 

but I did appreciate the invitation. 

Also let it be known to all, that i will be one with you in heart and soul, and will proclaim my allegiance to the cause of the One True Religion, at the first strike of the first second of the hearalding of the new year, the new year being anno domini MMIV, otherwise known to some rappers (huh?) of y2k+4... 

But know to all, that you are all an impregnable force and my guiding light, and i kneel to the holy powers that be, as well as those which sustain the Fortress and all of her sheeplike followers.  I will also pledge to sacrifice my pseudovirginity in the name of the cause ....wait...er...well..uh...perhaps i hath just said too much... 

so in closing....happy new year to all.  i wish i could be with you. 

ps: the sheepdip, should it arrive in time, needs to be refrigerated. 

~ floralilia

sheeplike follower and keeper of the holiday sheepdip recipe."

 

#126..Nancy Drew's delicate art of etiquette..

"It's good to toast space exploration and fancy gadgets, but it's more important to raise a glass to the beauty of soft candlelight."

~The Sign of the Twisted Candles

sigh...cheers to you too, Ned and Nancy....and a happy new year...

#125...happy new year!

2004.

wow, another year to see what unexpected delights will come your way.

how perfect is that?

cheers!

#124...do you...

like what i did with the place?

in honor of winter, i repainted the journal in cool wintry tones..

brrrr...

makes ya want a mug of hot chocolate, huh.

#123..on "optimizing" my aol experience - aol 9.0

So I just upgraded to aol 9.0.  Okay, okay..i know i'm a little behind..but trust me, when you've been on aol for as long as i have, you get a bit leery when new versions come out.   For the record, I am still partial to version 2.8, before all the fluff n' stuff days...(and that was an upgrade!)  Sigh, I guess I could be considered an official charter member or an aol masochist, with the latter being the most accurate of the two.

For those of you who may not be aware -  in the "olden" days, we would have to pay for aolabuse by the minute...read again, the MINUTE.  Some of the bills could get outrageous, especially if you didn't realize aol, connected you via a long distance phone numbers.  (No, I am NOT kidding.)  There were quite a few of us "newbee's" getting connected via Australia and the like, without even realizing it.  Get burned once, and all of a sudden you became really good about learning all of the angles. 

Back then, Aol used to actually shut down in the wee hours of the morning to back up their files..or go out for coffee or something.  Some of us, and I'm not naming names here, used to skirt the minute charges and go into the tech support area, and wait around to "talk" to techs about problems or questions we were having...but really we were there to freely chat to other online friends in the free-zone. That was the area that aol, didn't log your minutes - essentially, you could then chat for free until you got noticed and then booted out.

anyway, back to my initial point for posting..so far, 9.0 is acting pretty good..."so far", of course, being the key words here.  I hope it lasts.

#122...Kitty and the christmas kittycrack.

so for christmas, santa brought the crazed kitties new toys...bells, and balls, and mices and fuzzy, feathery things.."Kitty's" favorite of course, was the kittycrack, aka, catnip.

He was one trippin dude, dude.  Miss Lucy-fer, on the other hand, was not interested.

She being the Christmas squirrelkat, was busy runny around on her own form of speed - youth.  She actually played with all the other items.

I wonder if Kitty needs a twelve step program.

#121... Nancy Drew's guide to life...

"If a bleeding, screaming man runs from shore and starts swimming frantically toward your boat, you should probably help him out.  He might be escaping from cruel employers."

~Mystery of the Crocodile Island

 

..and there are plenty more where that came from.  no, really.

#120...kids say the darndest things...

"Andrew: Blip. Blip. Blip. Blip.

Becky: I don't even see the point of having sound on this."


okay, so who here remembers the prototype versions of todays playstations, nintendos, etc.

remember the games like pong, and donkey kong, and space invaders? well check this out,  childsplay , to see what modern day kids had to say when they test drove some of the original games...pretty damn funny.....

"Tim: My line is so beating the heck out of your stupid line. Fear my pink line. You have no chance. I am the undisputed lord of virtual tennis. [Misses ball] Whoops.

John: Tim, how could you miss that? It was going like 1 m.p.h. "

#119...the official journal name change

Freely Floralilia, the Official Journal of Pointless Posting is now in effect for annon domini MMIV.  That's 2004, for those of you who forgot their Roman numerals.  (and you would be surprised at just how many that is.)

why? you might ask..well, simply, because I felt like it.

It flows better. And it looks better scribbled on bathroom stalls and fine linen stationary.

#118...wow.

color me unsurprised.

this thing is still not working properly.

stupid aol.

#116...okay houston, all clear..

according to john scalzi, and the aolexterminators..the journal bugs have been all cleared.

well, this is a test.

testing, one, two..

#117....

three.

 

#115...merry christmas!

Merry Christmas to you and yours and all possible best wishes for an exceptional 2004...

flora

#114..twas the night, finish..

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL,
AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT."

#113....twas the night before christmas continued..

 

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.

"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

 

continued...

#112...twas the night before christmas..

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

(A Visit From St. Nicholas)

by Clement Clarke Moore

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that ST. NICHOLAS soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

continued....

#111..this is my united states of whatever!

check out this video.  done by my idol, liam lynch, of the famous sockpuppets sifl & olly.

this is my united states of...

whatever!

http://www.s-curverecords.com/liamlynch/media.html

#110..how the aolgrinch stole the christmas journals.

okay, so I thought I was crazy or the kids were messing up the computer.  been having the damndest time updating, reading comments and even adding new entries.

 so i go on a hunt and search mission to see what could be the matter - thank god for john scalzi - the aol journaling guru - you know, the guy who started this whole mess..and i use that term endearingly....by encouraging the rest of us to start journaling..

and what do my wandering eyes discover?  but a miniature aolgrinch  messing with the aolwhovillecommunity. so i flew over to my journal and threw up a post  - which goes something like this... 

"they're working on it."

#109...virginia continued.

You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond.

Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

--Francis Church

#108..ah, virginia.

"Dear Editor--I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in The Sun, it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O'Hanlon
115 West Ninety-fifth Street

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no child-like faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world. (continued)

#107...news flash.

saddam hussain has been captured.  apparently, he couldn't slither out of his hole in the ground in time.

tsk. tsk.

must have been too sleepy digesting his meal of mars bars and macaroni and cheese.

what a pathetic loser of a man-snake.

 

(and yes, i already know this is semi-old news. I've been busy dammit.)

#106...on mystery xmas cards, and one sister's losing her mind.

So apparently, my sister Joanne, in her christmas haste or race....to be the first one to get her christmas card out to me before our other sisters do this year ...(except for Robin, who addressed her's safely from the confines of her house during the missed sister weekend's snowstorm a few weeks ago...(she's the old one remember..))

'cause you see, while the envelope was neatly addressed, (as only a school teacher can do), and the stamp was precisely positioned in the upper right hand corner, and upon reading the return address, I noticed that this christmas card was going to be, in fact, from joanne and her family...

So naturally,  I opened the card..a very nice card..the very same card, in fact, that  I almost bought to mail from our house this year... which, while endearing, is not surprising, because we sister's tend to do that alot, doncha know.

Except for one small difference...which is that,  I usually sign the inside of my christmas cards before I seal the envelope.

But Joanne, for whatever reason, decided not to this year. The reason is unclear to me..either

a.) she is seriously over the safe limits of multi-tasking right now. 
b.) she needs her estrogen levels checked. 
c.) she is in the early stages of altzheimers, or
d.) she fell asleep at the wheel, er, pen...

Maybe it's a combination of all...maybe she is just caught in a holiday induced, hormonally challenged, over-achieving, type A narcoleptic multitasker, with too many things to do. And THAT my friend, is a set up for losing one's mind. 

Hmmm....I dunno, I could be wrong here.  Maybe...just maybe..she is being environmentally friendly and wants me to recycle the card back to her for next year..

I mean, after all...I did know who the card was from, right?

#105..kitty crimes.

apparently i was wrong.

kitty is the one responsible for breaking all of the christmas tree ornaments this year.

lucy has been given special dispensation.

how do i know this, you might ask?

well, because, i got a card today.

it was from kitty. he fessed up to the whole thing.

just to taunt me, mind you. he was not in the least bit remorseful about it.

damn cat.

#104....Holiday movie suggestion.

a Floralilian official holiday movie review.

Elf, starring that guy on Saturday night live...i forget his name.

but anyway..two words to describe the overall feeling...

no wait, one word...with a big capitol letter R...

Ridiculous.

Ridiculous and pretty damn funny - laugh out loud (for real), funny. And in the end, I hope that you, too, have an audience that is singing christmas carols right out loud with the characters at the end of the movie. 

pretty refreshingly silly, in this day and age, i must say...

makes me want to see all my men in green tights this christmas. just for the hell of it.

 

#103...say what?

"I know that you
believe you
understand what
you think I said,
But I am not sure
you realize that
what you heard is
not what I meant."

~Richard Nixon

 

#102...did you know..

that Evil Internet Lucy can be teased for hours - trying to catch the curser on the screen.....tsk, tsk...so terribly frustrating for her...

heh. heh. heh...

#101...hmmm.

Three wise women

would have...

asked for directions

arrived on time

helped deliver the baby

cleaned the stable

made a casserole

brought practical gifts

and

there would be peace on earth.....

 

~anon.

#100...on kitten-squirrels and christmas decorations

Kitten lucy has decided to become a flying squirrel. 

taking off with one great leap from treetop to couch to floor after getting yelled at

for the umpteenth time......to stay the hell out of the christmas tree!

....sigh...i feel like i have a toddler in the house again, all the ornaments have been removed from the bottom one third of the christmas tree. But does that stop her? Ohh no....she just sets her goals higher...and higher...

Apparently, sparkly hangy things are like magnets to kitten-squirrels - to kitten-squirrels with grappling hooks for paws, that is.

i hate kittens with grappling hook paws - especially at christmas time.

#99..violet elizabeth's tears.

Violet Elizabeth dried her tears.

She saw that they were useless and she did not believe in wasting her effects.  "All right," she said calmly, "I'll thcream then, I'll thcream an' thcream till I'm thick!"

~richard crompton (1890-1969)

from Just William

..hardly a mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, babysitter, friend, neighbor, shoe salesman, coach, teacher, pediatrican, pediatric nurse, or busdriver...who can't relate to meeting at least one Violet Elizabeth in their lifetime....

no really. think on it....

#98. Geeky quote for the day.

"It is possible that we may become pets of the computers, leading pampered existances like lapdogs, but I hope that we will always retain the ability to pull the plug if we feel like it."

                                        ~arthur c. clarke

sha...but not until after my internet christmas shopping is done arthur...sheeze..

#97....Living Eulogy

     she danced.
she sang, she took.
     she gave.
              she served.
she loved.           
          she created.
she dissented. she  
             enlivened.
she   saw.  she grew.  she
                          sweated.
        she changed.
she learned.  she laughed.
          she shed
           her skin.
she bled on the pages of her days,
      she          walked
      through walls,

she lived with intention.

 

~maryanne radmacher
     Living Eulogy    

#96. Be avid.

           be avid.
                 create apart
from perfection.  risk failure.
cover your words with sweat.
            run a little.
         excruciatingly touch.
laugh until you cry.
            dance
       with your eyes
                   closed.
        understand
      you die a little
        everyday....

       be enlivened.

~maryanne radmacher
          Be Avid.

#95...winter wizard and geritol continued.

Yep, looks like a few inches of slushy snow was a bit too much for some older sisters to handle...                                                                                                    
I'm not naming names, mind you....

but i do know now, what i am getting my (very much older) sisters, Pat and Robin, for christmas..a huge bottle of geritol, a nice new lap blanket (heated) and a batch of soft, easy to chew pudding.

..........sigh, I wonder when they got so old.

guess that age thing really does sneak up on you, especially when you are used to playing things "safe" your whole life.... 

Hmm, kinda like constipation, eh? - maybe i should add some ex-lax and a subscription to Modern Maturity too........

fine. be old.

whatever.

I'm living reckless tonight.  I'm driving in the snow....AND going food shopping -WITHOUT THE COUPONS!

#94....winter wizard and geritol.

Okay, so the almost all sister get-away weekend got cancelled at the last minute.

Hey, what a great idea!  Just all the girls getting away to spend some quality time together.  A get-away that we have never done in all of the years since we got married.   That's some twenty or almost thirty years, isn't it, girls?

You can picture it, eh?  Make a big ol pot of coffee, grab the scrabble board, or some cards, eating homemade chicken soup, or chocolate cake, laughing till our sides hurt, and more when Pat pees her pants... sleeping in late, taking pictures of each other, going for a freezing walk on the beach together...

drinking wine, eating pretzels and cream cheese, catching the David Bowie concert,  a movie, or doing a bit of gambling, sitting in our Pj's and slippers around lighted candles, talking into the wee hours of the morning..

..ya know, make new memories.... those kind of things...

in other words....living large.....middle age style...no kids, no husbands, no work, no worries - just for a weekend.

a weekend.

that's just two days.

'Cause, after all, we earned it. Dagnabbit, we even deserve it.

'Cause, it would do us good to be sisters again...not wives, or aunts, or mothers...just sisters, right?

BUT...David Bowie got the flu and had to cancel the concert last minute.

BUT ....the eastern seaboard got two or three inches of snow...well, almost. And a forecast for more on the way..(apparently two inches too much for even Suz's fricking Hum-vee) ....and i don't want to mention that we would be driving away from the snow, toward the ocean-warmed jersey shore - where they hardly ever get snow ...and was only forcasted for rain....BUT, BUT, BUT....BUT...

Anyway, they are the official reasons the weekend was called off.

BUT, (i have my own but here....), for some reason, all i can think of is that line from the movie Dumb and Dumber...

                                               PUSS-AAY!  PUSS-AY!!!!

#93...what the..

is this thing working or not!

#92..weather alert.

well, well, well..tis the first snowflurrie of the season.

feel like i'm in a giant snowglobe...