#379...the best of the dudley do-right escapades

                 The Best of the Dudley Do-Right Grandiose Escapades
 I've always suspected the people at J-Land studios were a little kinky - particularly when elements like the King Reamer who loved spankings, and the Wolf (insert favorite wolf-like blogger here) with the obviously-pornographic "good books", began making furtive appearances in Fractured Fairy Tales of AOL Journal-land. If you're going to be kinky, though, there's just no substitute for bondage... and hence the silly, bondage-oriented episode of Dudley Michael Do-Right which follows.

Fade up on the J-land wilderness. Dudley Michael rides in on his horse.

Narrator: Into the northern region of J-land, at the close of the nineteenth century, rode Dudley Michael Do-Right of the J-land Mounties, lonely defender of justice and fair play: handsome, brave, daring... and hopelessly lost.

Dudley Michael: These service-station maps are impossible! Can't even fold up the thing... I think I should have turned left at that last tree.

Camera pans to Snidely Alberta G Whiplash, who is tying a blonde to some convenient railroad tracks. He seems to be having some trouble with the final knot.

Narrator: Meanwhile a short distance away, Snidely Alberta G Whiplash was up to his favorite pastime: tying women to railroad tracks. He soon had unexpected company!

Snidely Alberta: (spotting Dudley Michael): A J-land Mountie!

Dudley Michael (taking no notice of the situation): Correct! Pardon me, sir, but do you happen to know the way to the Royal J-land Mountie camp - GoldenchildeNC?

Snidely Alberta-G (politely): Why, yes, I do. ...Oh, this pesky knot! Could you give me a hand, or rather, finger, heh heh?

Dudley Michael: Always willing to help a citizen in need. (offering an index finger) There!

Snidely immediately ties Dudley's finger into the knot.

Snidely Alberta: Hah-hah-hah-haa! Mr. Dudley Michael Do-Right of the J-land Mounties! Get out of thaat if you can!

Snidely Alberta exits. The blonde glares at Dudley Michael as he realizes he's been tricked.

Dudley Michael: Oh, fudge.

Cut to Queen Nell Floralilia Fenwick skipping through the forest with a basket. She soon runs into Dudley Michael.

Narrator: Meanwhile Queen Nell Floralilia Fenwick the beautiful daughter of Inspector Greggeth Fenwick, was out gathering chestnuts. Suddenly she stumbled onto the biggest nut of all, Dudley Do-Right Michael.

Nell Floralilia: What, Dudley Do-Right Michael, are you doing with that other woman? I thought you always did right!

Dudley Michael: I was doing right, Nell Floralilia. That's how I got into  this predic-a-ment. But could I tell you about it later? I think there is a train approaching...

The scene is obscured by a whistle and huge train wheels...

Fade to the Goldenchilde NC camp, then to Inspectior Greggeth's office. Dudley Michael's index finger is conspicuously bandaged.

Inspector Greggeth: And so, Do-Right, there's a fiend running loose in northern J-land.

Dudley Michael: A fiend, Inspector?

Inspector Greggeth: A fiend who goes about J-land tying defenseless women to railroad tracks!

Dudley Michael (looking slightly guilty): Oh.

Inspector Greggeth: I know it must be hard for you to believe, you with your eyes of blue and heart so true, but - what happened to your finger, Do-Right?

Dudley Michael (quickly putting finger behind back): Never mind about my finger, sir! This is far more important than mere flesh-wounds! A rope-tying fiend is at large and should be brought in at once!

Back to the J-land wilderness. Dudley rides his horse with determination.

Narrator: And so the remorseless man-tracker started on his way. He didn't have far to track!

Sure enough, Dudley Michael immediately runs into Snidely Alberta- G, who is now tying a brunette, Lady Mumsy, to the tracks.

Dudley Michael: Here, here! You oughtn't to do a thing like that: going around tying defenseless people to railroad tracks.
(taking off his hat)    It's not the J-land Way!

Snidely Alberta-G (suddenly falling to his knees, pleading for mercy): You think I've not tried to stop - to stop tying? I'm hooked! It's a habit with me now! Oh, boo-hoo-hoo! I swear to you: after I tie up this one defenseless woman, LadyMumsy,  I'm going to swear off, so help me! ...Could you just put your finger in this knot?

Dudley Michael (tenderly): Well... if you think it will help you kick the habit...

Snidely Alberta-G (disguising a malevolent grin): Oh, it will! It will!

Dudley Michael (offering his finger): There!

Snidely Alberta- G: Ahh-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa! Yeah.

Snidely immediately ties Dudley's finger into the knot and flees. The brunette, Lady Mumsy, glares at the Mountie.

Dudley Michael: Curses! Foiled again.

Snidely Alberta- G(leaning back into shot): Hey! That's my line...

Montage of Dudley chasing Snidely down the railroad tracks. Suddenly Dudley finds a redhead, Babymae1966, bound to the tracks.

Dudley Michael: Uh-oh! Another woman. He didn't swear off!

He unties the woman and dashes forward to find the bound figure of Slacbacmac the magnificent!

Dudley Michael:   Confound that Whiplash!

He unties him, only to find a few feet later:

Dudley: Nell Flora!

And then:

Dudley: Inspector Greggeth of Fenwick!

 

And then his horse, who looks up from the tracks and smiles cheerfully.

And then:

Dudley Michael: Snidely Alberta- G Whiplash!

He frees Snidely in turn, continues down the tracks, then stops and realizes:

Dudley Michael: "Snidely Alberta-G Whiplash"? Now, I wonder...

And as he stands on the tracks contemplating this, he is again obscured by a train whistle and massive engine-wheels...

Fade back to the GoldenchildeNC outpost, where the Inspector meets with Dudley and Nell Floralilia.

Narrator: But Inspector Greggeth did not get his nickname of The J-land Fox for nothing!

Inspector: Now all of you have heard the old proverb, "If you give a Alberta-G enough rope, he'll put his foot in it."

Dudley Michael: Why, no, Inspector, I don't believe I've heard that proverb-

Inspector: Don't interrupt, Do-Right!  We're going to use deception. We're going to disguise you as Queen Nell Floralilia!!

The Inspector proceeds to disguise Dudley as a perfect copy of Queen Floralilia.

Dudley Michael: Me, sir?

Inspector Greggeth: With those baby-blue eyes, you are a natural.

Dudley Michael: True...

Dissolve back to J-land wilderness. Snidely Alberta spots the Floralilian-disguised Dudley hiding behind a tree, looks about, and begins putting on costume pieces.

Narrator: What the Inspector did not know was that Snidely Alberta, realizing that the heat was on, disguised himself as Queen Floralilia too!

Snidely Alberta, dressed perfectly as Queen Floralilia, approaches <FONTCOLOR=#FF0000>Dudley.

Snidely (in crummy falsetto voice): Oh Dudley, where are you?

Dudley: Flora! You heard your father's plan. Go on back to camp! You'll give the whole thing away!
(Snidely encircles Dudley with a rope)
Flora! Flora, what are you doing?
(He ties Dudley to the railroad tracks)
Flora, this is no time for high-jinks!

Snidely: Ha ha ha hoop!

A lasso encircles him, and he in turn is bound to the tracks Flora!

Nell Floralilia: There, Snidely Alberta -G Whiplash! Caught at last... oops!

She, in turn, is lassooed and dragged to one side by... Inspector Greggeth!

Inspector Greggeth: So, Snidely Alberta - G Whiplash! You thought you'd catch the Mounties' counter-counter intelligence napping-napping, eh?

Nell Floralilia: But BlogFather, I'm not Snidely Whiplash-

Inspector Greggeth: And don't think you're fooling me with that crummy falsetto voice! You must think we're pretty stupid at Headquarters...

We hear the sound of a train's brakes being applied loudly. An Engineer walks up to the Inspector, carrying the Floralilian-disguised Dudley in one hand and the Floralilian-disguised Snidely in the other.

Engineer Remo (Brooklyn accent): Hey, buddy, don't leave stuff lying around on the tracks, huh?

Inspector Greggeth of Fenwick stares at the three identical Nells, then continues:

Inspector: Trying to confuse me, eh, Whiplash? Well, it won't work! As if I wouldn't know my own daughter and my favorite gay constable. Inspector Greggeth always gets his man!

And he drags the real Nell Floralilia away. Dudley removes his false Floralilian-head.

Dudley: Well, Nell, I guess all's well that ends well, eh?

Snidely (removing his own Floralilian-head): My sentiments precisely, Dudley.

Dudley stares at Snidely. Music reaches triumphant ending.


Fade out....

(The above has been color coded to help the feeble minded....;)

 

(The cartoon described here is copyright © 1987 by Jay Ward Productions, and also © 1990 by Filmtel International -  SPECIAL THANKS TO   - Back to the Moosylvania Page because i plagerized almost in entirety...but really, it was an emergency...

Did you know that Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons were once banned from Canada?
It seems the Canadian authorities felt that the portrayal of Dudley Do-Right would somehow
undermine the authority of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.  Ironically, I understand the Canadian censors don't like bondage materials either...)