READER ADVISORY: This post Rated R - For extremely gross content. Sorry gang...
Okay, so there I was following this guy in a pick-up truck today while driving home. We eventually came to a stop light and so had to wait for the light to change.
And so I sat waiting patiently - scanning the area - listening to the music - thinking about what things I still had to do when I got home...you know, random kinda stuff like that - when I suddenly zoned back to the guy in the pick-up truck - and seriously couldn't believe what I was seeing via his side door mirror...
"Oh really, Flora, why?"
- Well, let me tell you folks -
Because I caught that guy doing something I haven't seen done since early grade school...and can I tell you - No wait - I really can't even begin to tell you how much I was grossed out...but dammit - I'm willing to try...
Now, I've seen a lot of gross things in my life - seriously gross medical things in my line of work - but damn, this guy took the cake - and not just a piece - but the entire cake - eewwww!...he still makes me shudder...
Are you ready folks? I sure hope so...
So here was this GROWN MAN - in his thirties - seriously digging into his nose - only to retrieve a series of goodies - which he then quickly ATE!! Not once, not twice, hell - not even three times...
No wait - don't lose it yet - it gets even better....
I sat stunned - held perversly captivated by this slob against my will...All I kept thinking was - "oh....my....gawd."
And then - "OH...MY....GAWD!!" - for our little booger picker decided that just a couple of little nuggets wasn't enough for his afternoon snack - Oh noooo! He went right into blowing snot rockets into his bare hand and then licking THAT off!!!
I couldn't believe it. I sat there gagging - yet still unable to take my eyes off him...
Gang. He just didn't stop! The light changed and he started on his merry way - and for a good mile he just kept blowing snot rockets - eating them, - then back to picking - and eating, (I swear to you I lost count how many times) and then of course - he simply washed them all down with a bottle of water...
I so wanted to scream out the window at him - "Hey Buddy! - I hate to interrupt yer little chow time, but - damnnn - that ain't a new habit yer sportin now, is it? Oh no...why that's a habit you've been doing every damn day since preschool, haven't you!...Come on - Admit it!!! Cause no one new to that particular kind of pastime - has their system of boogie picking down to the refined technique that you do now, eh?
"Why yer just the goddamn King of Boogie Picking of All Recorded Time now, aincha fella! - hot damn - just look at you! You sure are proud of it! So proud that you don't give a rat's ass who sees you doing it - or for how long they have to endure seeing you do it!!"
"Why hell - yer just the well-greased, snot making machine now, aincha?! And worse - you go home and kiss yer babies and yer little unsuspecting wife with that filthy, slimy, snot licking, foul mouth of yours - now doncha! - YOU BIG GIGANTIC SLOB!!!"
"Do you realize that you are more gross than any puddle of shit - or any puddle of vomit - or any stringy mucousy blood clot - or any gut spilling, eviscerating patient, that I've ever - in my entire career - had the pleasure of taking care of?!!
"WELL - HUH? DO YOU? NO? -
WELL CONGRATULATIONS - BECAUSE YOU ARE!!!"
So just beware - any of you closet, boogie eating nose pickers out there - that's what people think of you when they catch you in the act.
Next time - use a tissue, fer Chrissakes!
or better yet - get professional help!!
Sigh -
Thank you - I feel much better now after ranting about this.
15 comments:
Ok Flo...I thought I was ready.
I prepared myself.
I took a deep breath, and then
I began to read.
Now, I wish I hadnt. Dear Goddess!!
Gaggin here!!!
-Connie
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I am soooooooooo sorryyyyyyyy you had to witness that. WHY DIDN'T YOU TURN AWAY. omg you will have nightmares forever. omg omg omg. I hope you got a good look at him. Don't ever forget him. One day he might try and shake your hand. Omg imagine you like run into him behind the counter at the bakery or something. OMG
There are moments in my life that I simply can never get back. Why Why! LOL!
Ugh!!!!!
V
"Why hell - yer just a well greased, snot making machine now, aincha?! And worse - you go home and kiss yer babies and yer little unsuspecting wife with that filthy, slimy, snot licking, foul mouth of yours - now doncha! - YOU BIG GIGANTIC SLOB!!!"
OMG Flo!!! I keep checking here wondering when the queen will return to her cybyer castle.......and you come back with this.....I just about lost my breakfast my dear, then my coffee......between gagging and laughing.......Oh My! What a guy!
I couldn't help but wonder if I ever kissed anyone with that less than adorable habit, and the thought made me gag. How could we know? We poor, sweet, little unsuspecting ladies, greeting our men with a kiss - who knows where those lips and hands have been? It's not something I was worried about before....but this was so well written I was there with you in that car, watching that train wreck of a spectacle. Eeww!!! Can't he eat M&Ms in the car like the rest of us??
That is beyond gross....I sadly see people doing that all the time...blahness! :)
Okay, you did it... you actually had me...ME of all people screaming EEEEWWWWWW!!!! My dear old Dickidoo is constantly digging for gold while driving (if you ever see a gold Bonneville with a big Indian doing the internal nasal salute, thats him!), but at least he just digs it out and flicks it out the window or wipes it on his jeans! He reframes from eatting it since there has not been an accurate study on the number of carbs are in a fingerful of boogers.
MY dad, god rest him, used to say that the
4way stop was the last bastion of Masculine
[or Feminine] Mucous Mining. But this *person*
was beyond the Pale~~really reluctant Parentage.
I shall pondre it NO MORE!
Maybe there just wasn't a Burger King nearby? --Albert
Yikes...too much information...
Hey Albert.... he didn't want Burger King, he wanted 'Booger King'!
just tell me... was he one of the Moreland kids???
Ewww, good thing I ate dinner quite a while ago, that's enough to make me hurl. I saw a woman do this at a traffic stop one time. She was in a suit and everything. She picked her nose and absentmindedly put it in her mouth. I was in the car next to her on the right and saw the whole thing. I sat there with my mouth agape so long she finally turned her head and saw me. She was so mortified she gunned the car as soon as the lights turned green.
The one thing that will make me gag in a heartbeat is mucous related shit like that. I've seen blood, guts and the crap they collect from NG tubes but that just takes the cake. I began gagging as I read this. That guy has some serious mental issues.
:-) ---Robbie
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